my whole life i've looked forward to the next thing. when i was in junior high, i couldn't wait until high school. in high school, i couldn't wait for college. in college, i couldn't wait to get out on my own and pay my own bills (really, i couldn't. i loved the freedom that came with paying my own bills). when i lived in georgia, i couldn't wait to move to seattle. when i was single, i couldn't wait to get married.
i've never (or rarely) been one to look at the past longingly and wish i could go back. i'm convinced that the best is yet to come and i'm always eager for it .
until now.
for the first time in my life (or at least that i can remember), i want time to stop. i want to freeze my life right here and preserve it in amber. i want it to stop now while the kids still want to come into our bed during a thunderstorm. while they still want to lay on my lap when they are sick. while they still pad around the house in their footed sleepers, laughing and playing with each other.
i want to freeze things before jeff and i hit a rough patch in our marriage. before the kids become teenagers who think we are the dumbest people on earth and don't want to go on vacations with us. before jeff's business hits the inevitable slow year. before we have to make decisions about the care of our aging parents.
i'm sad that this time in our life is going to be over. i know these are the years we are going to look back on, after life has dealt us the blows that fall to everyone, and think, 'remember when the kids were little? remember when your business was just taking off and we were moving into the new house and the world was wide open with possibilities and we had no idea what was in store for us? remember how happy and naive we were?'
i just want it to stop.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
freeze
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
This was such a sad post. I read your posts a couple of times a week and came across it by accident on blogspot. I am a married mom of three who works full time. I live in Utah but feel like I relate to you. I am on my second marriage. The first had hard times. My current marriage has been different, but so have I. My older kids are older than yours. They are 12 (this week) 9 1/2 and almost 4.
I love my life now. But the future seems so open. I look forward to the kids dating, experiencing life, getting married, being a grandma, retiring with my husband. I know life throws you some major blows and things don't always turn out the way you think they will but being optimistic is what keeps you going.
Everything in life is learning. Freezing time, closes doors.
I felt the same way when my kids were little. But now is better. And you know what? I believe that when the boys get even more independent and figure out who they are and who they want to be...it will be even better.
I'm with anonymous. Change and motion and action make life interesting.
Post a Comment