baring it all

(no, not that way. get your mind out of the gutter.)

when i was in north carolina visiting my friends last week, one of them asked me why i keep a blog. she said she'd read it a few times (she's not really *into* computers and email. it boggles my mind. but i digress) and she didn't understand why i'd want to write about personal things. she was referring, specifically, to this post. she said she always thought of me as a private person and it was strange to her that i would write about things i wouldn't talk about in person.

i had to think. it was a good question and i wasn't sure i had the answer. but i told her that writing on a blog is fairly anonymous, even if people you know are reading it because you can't see them. i don't see your (whoever you are reading this right now) face when you read one of my posts and think it's biased or dumb or pointless. you can choose to comment or not. if you choose not to comment, then i don't know you even read it. and if you really hate my point of view, you just don't have to read it. so i figure that anyone reading this is either interested in what i have to say or thinks it's so god-awful that they have to read it to see what i come up with next (sort of like a bad car accident. you don't want to look, but you do).

but why do i blog? i dunno. it's complicated. partly it's because i'm a stay-at-home mom with two young kids and it's nice to have something to do. it makes me feel like my journalism degree isn't completely wasted :) but i think that mostly it's because for my entire life, i've always felt like everyone else has everything figured out. i've always felt like the odd duck who worried about *everything* and felt insecure and unsure. it's only as i've gotten older that i've realized that LOTS of people feel that way but don't or won't admit it. and that's fine. but i'm getting comfortable with being unsure and of not knowing the rules. and writing about it helps me to feel more comfortable with it because i hear from other people who feel the same way.

i suppose blogging, for all its anonymity is a way to feel connected to people. a way to know that i'm not alone in my insecurity. a way to know that it's ok to be the way i am.