i've been struggling with being a parent lately. not just being a parent, but parenting my two kids. i wake up in the mornings hoping it won't be another day of jack crying and whining about the fact that he had to wake up and breathe today and that kate won't answer with a stifled scream to every question i ask her. is it something about the ages of 3 and 5? the physically demanding part of being a parent to a newborn is long gone but in its place is the mentally exhausting chore of trying to raise two whine-free, responsible, happy kids.
and i seem to be failing miserably.
it seems that all kate thinks about or talks about (or, let's be truthful here, whines about) is that someone has something that she doesn't have or jack got to do something that she didn't and IT'S. NOT. FAIR. nothing is fair. the poor child has the most miserable existence any kid could have what with the three meals and two snacks she gets daily, the closet full of clothes and the toys she has to play with. how do you teach a 5-year-old to be thankful? seriously. what is an age appropriate way to teach them? do i take her to volunteer at a homeless shelter? would she even understand that? do i take her on a walking tour of east baltimore and hope we don't get shot in the process of showing her the boarded up houses and the homeless people wandering the streets? HOW do i teach her? because right now i just want to throw out all her clothes and toys and make her live in the garage to wipe that smug smile of entitlement off her face.
and jack? good lord. jack is just another can of worms. his teachers love him. other parents think he's adorable and funny and entertaining. so why is he a whining, miserable mess at home? i know he's got it rough what with his own room and a playroom full of toys and endless viewings of the jungle book and high school musical. but still.
how do you give your kids things without also giving them a sense of entitlement? we don't buy our kids everything they want. but we do give them a lot. do i stop buying things we want to buy them just to prove a point? i don't know. i just know that whatever i'm doing isn't working.
or am i being unrealistic that a 3 and a 5 year old should be mature enough to grasp the concepts of being thankful and giving to others?
help?
Monday, October 22, 2007
the kids
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6 comments:
My son is grown, and I still don't have the answer to this question; I remember this battle though; it's hard to even buy a kid a meal with out a toy being handed to them with it.
I'm not sure if 3 & 5 year olds would grasp the concept, but we would perodically designate a day in which we would think about other kids. We'd head to Toys R Us, pick out something for a kid his age, and make sure it went to an agency that would deliver it (Salvation Army, etc.) Nothing for us that day, not even a soda if we go thirsty.
i certainly have no idea what the answer is as i am a few years behind you in this whole thing. when you figure it out, will you let me know?
but i agree that it is hard to be a parent. this past year has been the hardest of my life. good to know i have more ahead of me!!
and for what it's worth - i don't think you are failing at all.
-elizabeth
It ain't easy. Let's go out for a drink and talk!
Hey - you sure make it sound appealing to take the kids for a weekend! (But I still want to!)
I have the answer:
And I am living it.
Hey Kristin...what a timely post...I feel this way a lot...especially today...constant whining...constant...and I want this I want that. I say no a lot...A LOT. In fact I have started making Ben earn money for things he wants...it still doesn't work. Its the age. You are not alone.
Hi Kristen -
The most important thing: children need to know what it is to "want" something.
Yes - maybe you (or anyone) should cut back on things that they give their children.
The answer is "no". A kid who is constantly whining does not get rewards (even if it means you suffer while they learn).
Yes - packing things up in their playroom and taking them to the kids in a homeless shelter does teach them something.
Cancel cable for a couple months! Get rid of the DVD player.
I know this from experience: not allowing them to do things until they show some appreciation for their priviledges does teach them something. And, it is worth your suffering to see the rewards in the end.
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