believe it or not i've been thinking a lot about birthday parties this past week. i had a major (may-hay-hay-HAY-jor) blow out with a family member over her child's birthday party and the fact that we may not be able to attend due to a prior commitment. then i was talking to one of my neighbors who went with her family to NJ for a birthday party for the son of a good friend of hers. she said it was a total blow out and there were tons of people. the kid turned one. ONE.
jeff and i had parties for the kids' first birthdays. i get it. but we just had people over to the house and had food and cake and ice cream. that's it. nothing major. certainly no out of town guests (except for my parents who i couldn't have kept away even if i had wanted to - which i didn't). but after the first year? eh. birthday parties aren't a big deal to me and jeff. AT. ALL. we didn't even have a party for jack's 2nd birthday because we were at the beach and he was TWO, for chrissakes. what did he know about birthday parties?
this year, for jack's 3rd birthday we requested no gifts. instead, we asked people to bring a new book to donate to a children's charity. i realize that's not going to fly in another year or two when jack really gets the concept of birthdays and presents, but for now? it's fine. and the last thing this kid needs is more plastic toys that he will break apart two days after he gets it. i thought this was a great compromise.
and yet, a few people still brought gifts. it was weird to me. i mean, the kid turned 3. he had a birthday party. he gets new toys ALL the friggin time. he doesn't need more. and still, people brought gifts.
are jeff and i completely out of touch with kids' birthday parties? are we seriously the only parents (except for mine) who don't think the world revolves around their kids? who don't make their kids' birthday a national holiday? who honestly don't care whether you can come or not? who don't think that someone missing our kids' party is a personal attack and a low-down, dirty, selfish thing?
geez, people. it's a birthday party.
it's.
just.
a.
birthday.
party.
Monday, July 16, 2007
is it just me?
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9 comments:
I guess since we are siblings and have the same parents it would make sense that we also don't see the need to make a huge fuss.
We have even stopped buying presents for the kids ourselves knowing that friends or family are going to buy stuff.
The best birthday parties too me are a huge group of folks eating together, blowing candles out and just being together.
Sorry it was such a major issue with family for you.
it's all mom and dad's fault, right? ;)
the family bday party thing isn't really an issue. the other person sees parties from a completely different perspective and we're just going to have to disagree on this one. i'm over it, but i feel like i'm the ONLY parent who doesn't think birthday parties are major life events. i realize i'm totally in the minority.
Remember... In life you only get one family. Kids only have so many birthdays where you can watch their faces shine when they open even the simplest of gifts. Soon they won't even want you at their birthday parties. You are right, kids these days have more stuff then they need. No one will argue with that. However, its not about the gifts or the cake. It's about spending time with those who mean them most to you. Family and friends. Without them what kind of life would there be?
i agree with you, anonymous - family is VERY important. but is missing one party the end of the world? especially if you see the child often and are a regular part of their lives? i feel like people put so much emphasis on the actual party that they forget there are other special moments that family members can be a part of. i just don't think any ONE single day is that important - i think being close to family on all the other days is just as important.
:)
you are not alone at all. birthday parties were rarely a big deal in my family and my parents phased out giving presents a long time ago. instead, they would make a special birthday dinner or we would go out somewhere fancy to eat (like king's contrivance). at 7, that was pretty cool (especially since we left my little sister at home). and every now and then they surprise me by sending flowers...but we generally don't make a big deal about holidays or birthdays or other "events". it was always understood that the day to day was important and special as a family, not one particular day. but i can certainly say that i have been defending my family's position for years. it's just not the way it is done by most people.
and when you think about it, birthdays are backwards. we should celebrate the moms for the birthday. they're the ones who had the hard day to celebrate!
but even with all of that, of course we will have a party for ella on her first birthday. i promise not to care if you can't make it!
-elizabeth
I'm completely with you on this. The 75-person, 3-ring circus birthday party for a kid makes me crazy. Another thing that gets me is gifts for the siblings and party guests, so they won't feel left out. I think it instills a sense of entitlement. My viewpoint was always "Sometimes you just gotta sit back and be happy for other's good fortunes, kiddies. Today is not your day."
:-D Man, I sound like a big old meanie.
I'm with you on this Kris! Jackie and I are always gripping about the extent to which people will go for birthday parties. We get invited to all these kid parties and we invite no one back, because we just don't see the point of making such a huge deal.
I think everyone loses sight of what's really important. Do you love them? yes! Are you there for them? yes! Am I coming to the birthday party? No!
Al
Is it just you? Apparently not. Let's see, you have me, Dad, Tom, Allison, Dan, G'night Girl and Elizabeth. Perhaps we could form a new family?
LOL!!
Mom
I agree too.
AND, if someone brings a gift (regardless of what was advertised), we should be gracious.
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