pseudo-bourgeois guilt

my cleaning crew is here right now and it always makes me uncomfortable to be home when they are cleaning the house. i feel...i don't know, guilty? for being a stay at home mom and having someone else clean my house? i feel lazy and pathetic. i keep thinking they are talking about me in spanish ("what a lazy woman!" "we work all day and still clean our own houses!")

i want to tell them that i've done crappy jobs, too...that i wasn't always this lazy. my parents made me work. i've stocked shelves at a hardware store, cleaned bathrooms at mcdonalds and worked weekends at a sporting goods store in addition to my regular 9-5 job just so i could pay my rent. i've worked overnight shifts at a halfway house for felons and i've gotten up at 5:30am to go chop pickles at a deli. i've been there. i've done it.

so why do i feel guilty? it's not like they're indentured servants. i pay them (and they're not cheap). but here i am, typing away on my computer so they might think i'm doing some important work instead of just playing on the internet while my child naps.