we're back

got back on monday night from a 5-day trip to disneyworld. pictures and a real post coming soon...

having it all

i tivo the oprah show every day but only watch it a few times per week; i don't care about bob green's new diet or about how oprah got her dogs under control with help from cesar milan.

but today the topic was the friction between working moms and stay at home moms. the question being asked was 'can women have it all?'. elizabeth vargas started off explaining why she left her job when she got pregnant. the rest of the show was working moms and stay at home moms talking about the choices they've made and the guilt and regrets they both have. the working moms felt guilt for not being home for all the milestones and the stay at home moms regret giving up so much of themselves for their kids. and of course there were the us vs. them battles where women on opposite sides made snide remarks about the other's choices.

i watched the entire show and at the end of it i was struck with one thought: the question shouldn't be 'can women have it all?', but 'what does it mean to have it all?'. why does having it all mean being super mom and ceo of a company? why can't having it all mean working part time? or working full time and being fine with it? or being a stay at home and not regretting it? just as the question for men has changed from being 'are you successful?' to 'what is your definition of succesfull?', the questions needs to change for women.

me? i personally think the current definition of having it all (working a full-time, high paying, high powered career AND being a mom) is an impossible feat. i think you can do one or the other very well or do both decently.

the other question that struck me was when oprah asked the panel of women 'what is best for the children?' and you know what i think? i think the best thing for the kids is a mother who is comfortable with her decision and happy with the balance in her life. whether it's working full-time, part-time or staying home, our kids need to see their mothers as happy, fulfilled people. how that happens is different for everyone and no one can judge someone else for their choice.

seriously?

i've been having issues with my weight lately. i never had weight issues growing up and really never even thought about weight until i was in college. even then, it was just the normal weight issues all college students deal with.

but lately, i've gained a lot of weight and weigh the same i did when i was my most pregnant with kate. it's not pretty. but i'm dealing with it and trying to recognize that at least some of the weight is a result of some medication i take.

so last night, jeff went to get the mail we forgot to get out of the mailbox on saturday. i was sorting through the junkmail and found a catalog addressed to me. i'd never heard of this catalog and started flipping through it.

it was plus sized work-out clothes.

seriously.

how the HELL did i get on this mailing list and could the timing possibly be any worse?

my self esteem is about this big right now. sheez.

more photos

a few new photos of kate and jack are up on my other blog.

stonework

they've started the stonework on our house - we now have a patio and the base of the house is almost completed. the electricians are supposed to finish today and then next week the other electricians come (to do the low voltage wiring). we might be looking at the end of march to move in!

buh bye

we are officially a pacifier free house. we wanted to wean jack off them before we left for disneyworld next week but didn't think we could do it.

enter my dear friend, aylin.

i saw her in nc a few weeks ago and she mentioned cutting off the top of the pacifier a little bit each night until there was nothing left. it was an interesting idea.

the first night we snipped off a bit of his paci, jack was mighty confused. he kept holding it up to us saying, 'my paci is in pieces!'. we assured him it was ok and put him to bed. he cried for about 45 minutes.

we snipped the paci a little bit over the course of a week and now he doesn't even ask for them when he goes to bed.

i feel liberated. especially because now we won't have to do the mad paci scramble on vacation, always wondering if we have one with us or worrying about leaving them on the plane.

bliss.

freeze

my whole life i've looked forward to the next thing. when i was in junior high, i couldn't wait until high school. in high school, i couldn't wait for college. in college, i couldn't wait to get out on my own and pay my own bills (really, i couldn't. i loved the freedom that came with paying my own bills). when i lived in georgia, i couldn't wait to move to seattle. when i was single, i couldn't wait to get married.

i've never (or rarely) been one to look at the past longingly and wish i could go back. i'm convinced that the best is yet to come and i'm always eager for it .

until now.

for the first time in my life (or at least that i can remember), i want time to stop. i want to freeze my life right here and preserve it in amber. i want it to stop now while the kids still want to come into our bed during a thunderstorm. while they still want to lay on my lap when they are sick. while they still pad around the house in their footed sleepers, laughing and playing with each other.

i want to freeze things before jeff and i hit a rough patch in our marriage. before the kids become teenagers who think we are the dumbest people on earth and don't want to go on vacations with us. before jeff's business hits the inevitable slow year. before we have to make decisions about the care of our aging parents.

i'm sad that this time in our life is going to be over. i know these are the years we are going to look back on, after life has dealt us the blows that fall to everyone, and think, 'remember when the kids were little? remember when your business was just taking off and we were moving into the new house and the world was wide open with possibilities and we had no idea what was in store for us? remember how happy and naive we were?'

i just want it to stop.

it's official

our house is on the market as of 7am this morning:

house listing

now all we have to do is keep the house clean and neat with two little kids and a large dog running around.

should be fun.

kate's shoes

i can't tell you how many times i've been asked (even by strangers in the mall) where i got kate's pink and white polka dot shoes. just this morning, someone on a photography forum i'm a member of emailed me to ask about them! if you're looking for a pair, here they are:

puddle jumper shoes

just being funny

i got a wild hair and decided to make dinner tonight. i've been scrambling around the kitchen looking for ingredients and cookbooks and pots and pans.

kate saw me and asked me what i was doing.

i (rather proudly) told her i was cooking dinner and she laughed.

"you're just being funny, right mommy? you don't cook dinner, DADDY cooks dinner!"

heh heh heh. yep, just being funny.

history repeats itself

the kids and i are in north carolina where we've been visiting some of my college friends for the past few days. it's been a great visit and the kids have been pretty good.

and then i took the kids to the hotel pool this afternoon.

i had the forethought to bring bathing suits, but not floaties. when we got to the pool, i told kate to stay on the steps. she'd been playing for a few minutes (and jack didn't want to go in) when she stepped off the bottom step and into water over her head.

i've heard people say things move in slow motion when stuff like this happens, but there was nothing slow about it. before i even had time to think about what i was doing, i jumped in the pool (with my brand new dankso clogs on and my cell phone in my hand, of course) and pulled her up into my arms.

her tiny, wet body clung to me and we were both shaking as i climbed out of the pool and gripped her tightly to me.

the funny thing is i remember the exact same thing happening when i was 3 or 4: i was in the kiddy pool and my dad was standing by watching me (in his tennis clothes, of course). i vaguely remember being under the water and not being able to stand back up and then my dad jumped in and scooped me up.

i've been shaking for the past hour as i remember the look of absolute fear in kate's eyes as she was under the water. what if i hadn't been standing there? what if i'd been changing jack into his swimsuit when it happened and i didn't see her go under? what if, what if.

she's safe and sound and eating her pasta and playing with a plastic toy she got in a kid's meal and i am grateful for small miracles.

maybe march?

we got a call from the builder today that we're going to have our electrical walk through next week (which is when we tell them exactly where we want all the outlets and plugs and switches). our realtor told us that it's generally about 60 days from the electrical walk through until settlement.

60 days.

so instead of mid to late april, we're looking at early to mid march.

!!!!!!!!!

i'm so excited and all i want to do is start ordering the new furniture. jeff is focusing on more practical (boring, dull) things like selling our current house. house, schmouse. i want to buy a new sofa.

i think the reason we're ahead of schedule is because of the incredibly mild winter we're having. so if you're complaining about the lack of snow or grumbling about 50 degree weather in december, don't. global warming, global schmarming. we're moving a month and a half ahead of schedule!