jeff and i went to a party friday night. the hostesses house was beautiful - much larger than ours and beautifully decorated. jeff would love to move to a bigger house but i keep saying that our house is big enough and even though it's not our dream house, we're still very lucky to have it and to live in the neighborhood and community that we do. we should be thankful that we have what we have and be done with it.
but friday night.
sigh.
i was jealous.
as i stood in the hostesses kitchen, i couldn't help notice that it was about twice the size of ours and that her appliances were all nicer than ours. her furniture was beautiful and every room was decorated (as opposed to our house where our living room and dining room still have our old castoffs because we don't have the money right now to buy all new furniture).
i hate being jealous, especially because i know how fortunate jeff and i are. i've worked for several non-profits and have seen people who are truly struggling. i've met families who live in garages without running water or electricity. how dare i be jealous of someone who has a bigger house than me?
it makes me sick.
it's a struggle to balance what i know is right for me with what i see is right for other people. i don't want to always want more. i want what i have to be enough.
it's hard sometimes.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
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2 comments:
Yes, it is.
BUT. It gets easier, I think. Easier when you see what is behind the nice things. Sometimes, there's a spouse who works 18 hour days to pay for it. Sometimes, it's a distraction. And sometimes, they are in debt up to their eyeballs. And yes, sometimes, they are happy and fortunate and life is good. But I know that whatever you have, someone has more. And it has nothing to do with being happier.
My wife has been struggling with the jealousy thing a bit, too - she has a long blog post about it from a while back. It is easy to get caught up in it - ours is a land of not just consumption, but conspicuous consumption.
I confess it is easy for me. I'd be plenty happy living out my days in a studio apt in Seattle drinking cheap wine and eating toast. But, see, I'm jealous of people that can still make that choice.
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