getting dressed

kate gets herself dressed pretty often these days. for the most part, her wardrobe is pretty basic so everything goes with everything else.

but today.

she came downstairs as we were getting ready to go out to run errands and she had this on:





















she was so proud of herself.

kate: mommy! do you like my outfit?

me: um, well....um, do YOU like your outfit?

kate: i love it! i look so pretty! i'm going to wear my pink sneakers, too!

i'm going to save this photo until she's 12 and only wants to wear what all her friends are wearing.

SEATTLE

jeff just booked four plane tickets to seattle in august (and since we are using amex points, we booked first class!). we haven't been back to visit since we moved in 2001 and i am beyond excited about going back. it will be totally different since we're going to see it with the kids, but both of us wanted to bring them. kate and jack won't care about seeing seeing elliott bay from the viaduct as we drive in from the airport. they won't care about seeing the first condo jeff and i lived in or walking around pike place market. they'll be bored out of their minds when we poke around the funky shops in fremont and they won't have the same warm rush of nostalgia when we take the ferry to bainbridge island. but jeff and i will and we can't wait to go back to the place it all started with the kids who made us a family.

b-a-l-t-i-m-o-r-e

jack was wearing his nantucket sweatshirt today and at one point he looked down and read off the letters:

jack: n-a-n-t-u-c-k-e-t

i got all proud motherish thinking how smart my not-quite-three-and-a-half-year-old-son was, what with reading all the letters and UPSIDE DOWN NO LESS.

me (beaming with pride): that's right! what do those letters spell?

jack (proudly): baltimore!

proud mommy was promptly deflated.

musings

i feel guilty a lot. guilty that i have two healthy children. guilty that i have a great relationship with my husband. guilty that i have a new house with new furniture and no debt hanging over my head. guilty that my life is so fantastic.

i know.

i KNOW.

it's ridiculous. i should be thankful. and i AM. very much so. but i also have this nagging, creeping guilt because i didn't do anything to deserve any of this. nothing. nada. i'd like to think that the years i spent volunteering and working for non-profits paved the way for this good karma but really, i know that's not true. because just like bad things happen for no reason, so do good things. it's just that i have a much easier time accepting the bad things. i don't know why. blame it on my parents for teaching me that if it seems to good to be true, it probably is. for teaching me that good things come as a result of hard work. that nothing good comes easy. valuable lessons, yes. lessons i hope to teach my own kids, in fact. but lessons that leave me wondering why the hell i've been so lucky in my life and when the other shoe is going to drop.

kind of depressing, isn't it?

better you than me

so I've mentioned that I'm chairing a fundraiser for a non-profit I'm involved with. The local hospital is our partner in the fundraiser; we take turns staffing the booth and we split the profits when its all over.

Its supposed to sleeet and snow on Saturday and all I can think is that I am SO glad its the hospital's day to run the booth. The last thing I want to deal with is 47 phone calls from all our volunteers saying they can't make their shifts. No, instead I'll be outside with my kids and neighbors sledding and building snowmen.

It will be a much needed break :)

finally

for the first time in weeks i feel like i can breathe again. my conversion is done, my tubes are tied (did i tell you about that? i had this procedure done), my photography holiday rush is over and even gift wrap is (knock on wood) running smoothly.

i actually have time to eat and shower and i can't wait for the kids to get home from school so we can spend some time together (i've been pawning them off on 'barbie as the island princess' and 'high school musical').

i had time today to run errands not associated with gift wrap or photography, i picked up a few new home decorating magazines and i actually sat down with those magazines and drank a cup of hot chocolate in front of my fake fire. i almost felt guilty :)

jack'isms

this morning: jack was getting dressed and was having a hard time getting his sweatshirt on. he couldn't get his arms in the sleeves and as he threw the sweatshirt on the floor he said, 'mommy! the sleeves aren't PAYING ATTENTION!'

this afternoon: i dragged the poor kid all over creation this morning running errands. as a reward, i took him to red robin for lunch. it was packed and we were squeezed in between two other tables with barely enough room to stand between the tables. the woman next to us was wearing a head scarf and jack pointed to it and said (very loudly), 'mommy - that lady is a pirate!' either the woman didn't hear us or she very politely ignored us.

jack.

sigh.

#(%*#$&

you know what really pisses me off? people who critize the way you do a job that they themselves don't want to do. if you don't want to do the job, then shut the F up and let me do it my way.

@#)*#$%(#$%(*!

that time of year

last year i volunteered to help run a major fundraiser for an organization i'm involved with. wendy and i did it together and we both swore up, down and sideways that we wouldn't do it again this year. i guess wendy is smarter than i am because i volunteered to run it (alone) this year. and truthfully, it hasn't been a big deal. i knew the routine, knew what to do and things are running much smoother (for me) than last year. i was even thinking the other day that i might volunteer to do it next year, too.

but today? today it all hit me. it's not just the fundraiser, which starts friday and runs through christmas eve, but the fact that this is my busiest time of year with photo sessions. i have twice as many clients as last year and their orders are much larger this year (a very nice problem to have!). today i have to be at the mall with all the supplies (all of which haven't even arrived yet) AND order photos AND proof three client sessions - each of which takes a few hours.

today i'm questioning my sanity and wishing i had not taken on the fundraiser. i know it will be fine and that everything will work itself out. it always does - one way or another. but today - right now - my stomach is in knots, i'm short tempered with the kids and i'm wondering how i'm going to get 48 hours worth of work done in 24 hours.

oy.

thanksgiving photos

i posted some photos from thanksgiving over on my photography blog.

more photos (and posts) to come soon.

i promise :)

national holiday

when kate was done with dinner tonight, she walked over to me, gave me a hug and said 'happy almost jewish day, mommy.' we're going to the mikvah tomorrow where i'll become jewish and kate is beyond happy about it.

almost jewish day? maybe it *should* be a national holiday.

i'm it

wendy tagged me to write about certain topics in blocks of 8. here we go:

8 passions in my life
jeff
kate
jack
photography
traveling
reading
good sushi
home design

8 things to do before I die
lose those stubborn 15 pounds
take a cruise on the QE2
fly first class to another country
own my own natural light photography studio
create a philanthropic foundation with jeff
retire to manhattan
learn to stop feeling guilty
travel to a third world country with jeff and the kids


8 things I often say
maggie! in your crate!
you're my favorite girl in the whole world
you're my favorite boy in the whole world
stop snoring
jack, do you have a poop in your pull up?
put your jackets and shoes on. now!
i love you
sorry i didn't call you back

8 Books I read recently
i was born on a blue wednesday
lost: in search of six of six million
lost and found
a long way from home
henri cartier-bresson: the man, the image and the world
?
?
?

8 songs that mean something to me
by your side
infinite eyes (keb 'mo version)
blackbird (kenny rankin version)
live like you were dying
right here waiting for you (i know. gag.)
?
?
?


8 Qualities I look for in a friend
mildly sarcastic
doesn't mind cussing
laughs a lot
down to earth
honest
if a parent, someone who isn't afraid to discipline their kids
is happy with their life the way it is
cares about improving the world around them

ugh. uggs.

i know i'm about, oh, 8 years behind on this trend but i just got my first pair of uggs and i'm in love.

in.
love.

i needed a pair of shoes to wear outside in the mornings to let maggie out. in our old house, we had an invisible fence so i would just open the door and let her out. we don't have one in the new house (mostly because we have no yard in which to fence her in). so every morning jeff or i have to walk outside in the alley and walk maggie into the field behind our house and wait while she does her business.

i've been wearing my slippers most mornings but then i end up tracking dirt back into the house. so i went looking for a pair of light, cozy boot type shoes to wear in the mornings.

enter uggs.

i tried them on reluctantly. but as soon as i put them on, i knew i had to have them. had to have five pairs. in every style and color available (i only bought one pair, in the chocolate brown).

i still think they are butt ugly and i won't wear them anywhere but the field behind our house. but they make walking the dog so much more enjoyable in the morning. i'm eyeing a pair of snow boots, too...

halloween parade

our neighborhood had a halloween parade yesterday. all the kids and parents walked up the main street in the neighborhood and ended up at the big lawn. the garden club was selling cider and treats to raise money to plant new tulips beds and the kids ran around hyped up on sugar. after the parade, everyone piled into the clubhouse for a carnival - there were a few games and some arts and crafts. there was a costume contest and even a magician. at the end, all the kids got goodie bags. it was a great, great event and the kids had a blast (jeff and i enjoyed it, too).

some photos:

snow camels

last night as i was putting on jack's pajamas after his bath, we started talking about the colder weather and how winter would be here in a few months.

jack: is it going to snow?

me: maybe. sometimes it snows during the winter and sometimes it doesn't

jack: will you go with me in the snow so i'm not scared?

me: what is scary about the snow?

jack: the snow camels.

me: the snow camels??

jack: YES! the snow camels.

me: what are snow camels?

jack: you know, the camels with the horns on their heads in the snow.

me: (thinking, thinking, thinking) do you mean reindeer?

jack: um, yes! weindeer!


tell me where on earth that kid got snow camels from reindeer.

new jew

so about two years ago i started thinking about converting to judaism. not necessarily because i think it's the "right" religion or because i've done an intense soul searching. it's simply because my family is jewish and i want to be a part of that.

jeff and i live a jewish life, meaning we don't celebrate christian holidays and we are raising kate and jack jewish. the kids will go to hebrew school and have bar and bat mitzvahs. it's the deal we made before we got engaged; jeff said it was important to him to raise his kids jewish and i said, 'eh. fine by me. religion is religion.'

when jeff and i got married, people asked me a lot if i was going to convert. i always said that i wasn't planning on it but that if the time came when i wanted to or felt the need to that i would.

and now that time has come. or came two years ago. kate was in her first year at a jewish preschool and she was coming home with all sorts of projects i knew nothing about (the lulav and the etrog? i had no idea what these were or why she made them in class). for the first time i began to see a division between me and my family. they were jewish and i was not.

and then hurricane katrina hit new orleans. i was so moved by the jewish community's response and heard for the first time about the jewish concept of tikkun olam: repair the world. it spoke deeply to the part of me that values volunteer work and the idea of helping others. i decided that i wanted to convert.

the journey the past two years has had starts and stops. i thought i wanted to join a temple and be mentored by the rabbi there but he never returned my calls and i found out later that he took a sabbatical from the congregation to teach a congregation down south somewhere. which left me back at the beginning. i always thought the converting would require a year or so of studying and learning and the thought of a year of school slowed my fervor to convert.

i took an intro to judaism class in the spring at the temple where the kids go to preschool. i'd never been a fan of the rabbi there but in a classroom setting and one-on-one, i saw him in a new light and realized he wasn't as aloof and removed as i had always thought.

so. i made an appointment for this morning to talk to him about converting. i thought i'd go in and we'd talk about setting up a study course and he would tell me how hard it was going to be and how long it was going to take. instead, he asked me how i came about the decision to convert and then told me what would happen. turns out i don't need to do any (more) studying. he said the fact that i've been living a jewish life is far more valuable than any studying i could do (of course, the fact that i took the intro class didn't hurt).

so i filled out my application to convert and just need to decide on my hebrew name. the rabbi is going to contact two baltimore rabbis to make up the beit din. then i go through the mikvah and voila - i'm a jew.

i can't believe it's happening so quickly. it could be just a few weeks; the rabbi said the hardest part was coordinating three rabbi's schedules.

so there you go. from catholic, to home churched, to born-again, to jewish. maybe this one will stick.

the kids

i've been struggling with being a parent lately. not just being a parent, but parenting my two kids. i wake up in the mornings hoping it won't be another day of jack crying and whining about the fact that he had to wake up and breathe today and that kate won't answer with a stifled scream to every question i ask her. is it something about the ages of 3 and 5? the physically demanding part of being a parent to a newborn is long gone but in its place is the mentally exhausting chore of trying to raise two whine-free, responsible, happy kids.

and i seem to be failing miserably.

it seems that all kate thinks about or talks about (or, let's be truthful here, whines about) is that someone has something that she doesn't have or jack got to do something that she didn't and IT'S. NOT. FAIR. nothing is fair. the poor child has the most miserable existence any kid could have what with the three meals and two snacks she gets daily, the closet full of clothes and the toys she has to play with. how do you teach a 5-year-old to be thankful? seriously. what is an age appropriate way to teach them? do i take her to volunteer at a homeless shelter? would she even understand that? do i take her on a walking tour of east baltimore and hope we don't get shot in the process of showing her the boarded up houses and the homeless people wandering the streets? HOW do i teach her? because right now i just want to throw out all her clothes and toys and make her live in the garage to wipe that smug smile of entitlement off her face.

and jack? good lord. jack is just another can of worms. his teachers love him. other parents think he's adorable and funny and entertaining. so why is he a whining, miserable mess at home? i know he's got it rough what with his own room and a playroom full of toys and endless viewings of the jungle book and high school musical. but still.

how do you give your kids things without also giving them a sense of entitlement? we don't buy our kids everything they want. but we do give them a lot. do i stop buying things we want to buy them just to prove a point? i don't know. i just know that whatever i'm doing isn't working.

or am i being unrealistic that a 3 and a 5 year old should be mature enough to grasp the concepts of being thankful and giving to others?

help?

back in the saddle

it's been a while since the last time i blogged. life got busy, the kids got needy and blogging was just the last on a long list of things i needed/wanted to do.

the thing is, i've wanted to post for a few weeks but felt the pressure of jumping back in after a long absence. like, the return post had to be profound or insightful or ridiculously funny. and nothing i had to blog about was any of those things.

so, instead, i'm just plunging in. ripping off the band-aid. getting back on the horse.

here's hoping this sparks some more posts.

confession

i listen to the high school musical soundtrack even when my kids aren't around.

i know.




i KNOW.

new photography website

i'm so excited that my new photography website is launching (hopefully!) in the next day or two! check it out at anna elliott photography.

the new blog is also up and running and you can see it here.

app state beats michigan

in case you haven't heard or read: appalachian state university (my alma mater) beat #5 michigan state yesterday. one of the biggest upsets in college football EVER.

read all about it HERE, HERE, and HERE.

go apps!!!!!

our photos!

i finally got the link from the photographer:

jinky art
password = anna

i love these photos!!!!

jinky

in childrens photography circles there is a woman who is revered as being one of the best: barb "jinky" uil. her photos are bright and creative and really capture the essence of who kids are. she lives in australia but came to the states this summer to spend two months traveling the country doing portrait sessions. i was lucky (LUCKY!) enough to be able to schedule a session. i just got an email that she put her new website up and two of our photos made the new site! we should get the link to our entire gallery tomorrow (i'll be sure to post the link so you can ooh and aah over us) ;)

here are the two photos from our session on her site:

www.jinkyart.com
click on 'portfolio'
click on 'giggles'
it's the third picture in the series. one of our feet and one of kate.

i adore this woman's talent!!

bizarre

fed ex delivered two packages to our house at 11:30pm last night.

eleven.
thirty.
at.
night.

jeff and i had been asleep for a few hours and we heard maggie start barking like crazy. jeff went downstairs to see what was going on and i heard him open the front door. he came back to bed and said, 'fed ex dropped off some packages for you.'

?

it couldn't have waited until this morning?

how bizarre.

really old

yesterday in the car, kate asked me why bubby mitzi and mema (jeff's grandmothers) lived alone:

me: because their husbands don't live with them any more.

kate: why?

me: well...they died.

kate: why did they die?

me (trying to make it as simple as possible): well, they were really old.

kate: so you die when you get old?

me: a lot of times, yes.

(a few seconds of silence as kate thinks about this)

kate: well how come mema is still alive? she's REALLY old.

buh bye

i took kate to her endocrinology appointment today. i wasn't expecting anything other than the normal routine we go through every three months: she gets weighed, measured and the doctor listens to her heartbeat and feels her abdomen. her appointments are always the same and always last for about 15 minutes. we get her prescription for growth hormones renewed and make an appointment for three months ahead.

but today. oh, today was a glorious day.

dr. reiner said that kate had caught up on the height chart (but at 28 pounds, she's still WAY low on the weight chart) and that with my permission, he'd like to take her off her shots for the next six months to see how she grows.

!!!

we've been giving her a shot every night for the past two-and-a-half years and now, suddenly, we have a six-month reprieve. SHE has a six-month reprieve. for the next six months we don't have to travel with a car refrigerator to cool her medicine. we don't have to request refrigerators in hotel rooms. we don't have to worry about missing a dose. or forgetting to order the medicine or the needles or the alcohol swabs. when kate gets ready for bed for the next six months, she doesn't have to hear, 'kate, let's do your shot and then go get your jammies on.' she doesn't have to worry about us doing the injection badly and drawing blood or causing a knot on her arm. she doesn't have to worry about peeling band-aid after band-aid off the backs of her arms and causing rashes.

we've all come a long way since we started. it used to take both jeff and i to hold her down (all 18 pounds of her) and give her the shot. kate would be screaming bloody murder and i'd be crying and jeff would just be flummoxed by all the noise and commotion. it has since become a part of our routine. a part that none of us likes but have come to grips with and have dealt with.

we went out to dinner to celebrate tonight (kate chose red robin) and then went to the bookstore and let her pick out a book. she kept hugging me and laughing, "i don't have to do my shot! i don't have to do my shot!"

nope. you don't. and you deserve the reprieve my little kitty kat.

challah

i made my first challah last week but it didn't turn out very well; it was more like a very heavy loaf of bread. undaunted, i tried it again today and this is what i ended up with:




not bad for a non-cooking, almost-jew, eh?

dooce strikes again

this is one of the funniest dooce entries i've read in a while. i couldn't stop laughing:

dooce blog

happy birthday, paige

my niece, paige, turns 6 today. happy birthday!

perceptions

i'm curious: which do you think is more likely to be accurate? your perception of yourself or other people's perceptions of you?

prayer stop

i was on my way to tj maxx this morning after dropping the kids off at summer camp when i passed this on the side of the road in a random town called spencerville:


(click to see it larger)


i almost ran off the side of the road trying to do a u-turn. isn't it the most random thing you've ever seen? it's just sitting there, on the side of the road, in a little blink-and-you'll-miss-it town. i wanted so badly to knock on the door to see if anyone was in there. i wonder if people actually stop there? is someone in there all day? what made them put it up? how long has it been there?

i've got to go back.

is it just me?

believe it or not i've been thinking a lot about birthday parties this past week. i had a major (may-hay-hay-HAY-jor) blow out with a family member over her child's birthday party and the fact that we may not be able to attend due to a prior commitment. then i was talking to one of my neighbors who went with her family to NJ for a birthday party for the son of a good friend of hers. she said it was a total blow out and there were tons of people. the kid turned one. ONE.

jeff and i had parties for the kids' first birthdays. i get it. but we just had people over to the house and had food and cake and ice cream. that's it. nothing major. certainly no out of town guests (except for my parents who i couldn't have kept away even if i had wanted to - which i didn't). but after the first year? eh. birthday parties aren't a big deal to me and jeff. AT. ALL. we didn't even have a party for jack's 2nd birthday because we were at the beach and he was TWO, for chrissakes. what did he know about birthday parties?

this year, for jack's 3rd birthday we requested no gifts. instead, we asked people to bring a new book to donate to a children's charity. i realize that's not going to fly in another year or two when jack really gets the concept of birthdays and presents, but for now? it's fine. and the last thing this kid needs is more plastic toys that he will break apart two days after he gets it. i thought this was a great compromise.

and yet, a few people still brought gifts. it was weird to me. i mean, the kid turned 3. he had a birthday party. he gets new toys ALL the friggin time. he doesn't need more. and still, people brought gifts.

are jeff and i completely out of touch with kids' birthday parties? are we seriously the only parents (except for mine) who don't think the world revolves around their kids? who don't make their kids' birthday a national holiday? who honestly don't care whether you can come or not? who don't think that someone missing our kids' party is a personal attack and a low-down, dirty, selfish thing?

geez, people. it's a birthday party.

it's.

just.

a.

birthday.

party.

my new nephew

my older brother and his wife had their third child this week!

seth gavin laciano

beach

we're in new jersey this week; i have a photography conference and jeff just wanted to be near casinos. we brought a babysitter with us (wendy's oldest son) and jeff and the kids are having a blast while i sit in a freezing cold conference room. jeff just sent me this photo:

maple lawn days

our neighborhood threw a big party today for all the residents. there were pony rides and face painters and a moon bounce and barbeque. it was a fantastic event and is just one of the thousands of reasons we love living here.

a few photos from today (taken with my phone camera):

i rock at euchre

i just played my first round of euchre and i kicked dan and jeff's ass (are you reading that, wenner? i kicked his ASS! ). emily and i were partners and i had incredible cards - dan said i could have gone alone several times.

i just want all the northwestern guys to know that jeff lost to his rookie wife.

ha ha ha ha ha ha

(two vodka tonics later...)

so tired

jeff, dan, emily and i are all playing euchre. it was bedtime for the kids so jeff put jack to bed and told kate she could play in her room; this was about an hour ago.

jeff just went upstairs to tell kate to go to bed and he came downstairs laughing. he said he went into her room to tell her to go to bed and she let out a sigh of relief and said, 'good, i'm SO tired.'

apparently she didn't know she was allowed to go to sleep and thought she had to stay awake until jeff told her to go to bed.

lol.

dan's new woman

my little brother is in town with his new girlfriend, emily. dan got divorced about a year ago and he has really grown up and grown into himself. he's been with emily for the past 6 months and now that i've met her i understand why he's crazy about her. she's down to earth, drinks beer, checks the cub scores and puts up with dan's hoopdy truck that has no air conditioning. plus, she's a math teacher and she quilts. the girl is well rounded. and best of all? she accepts my brother as he is and lets him be himself. maybe i sound like a mom, but any woman who treats my brother well is ok by me.

(hi liz! emily said you read my blog sometimes. can't wait to meet you!)

slideshow

i've been looking at buying a new program to show my photography clients their slideshows. i found one i'm interested in and they have a demo mode you can preview for 30 days. i threw together a quick and dirty slideshow of jack's new bike (he got it for his birthday on sunday):

jack's new bike

mexico?

anyone out there been to mexico? i'm looking at booking a vacation, just me and my mom, and i know next to nothing about it. don't even know where to start looking. i think we'd like to stay at a nice (very nice) hotel but also have access to some less touristy areas.


leave a comment or email me at kristin at havitad dot com.

gracias!

chocolate

jack's 3rd birthday was yesterday. we had his party on saturday so yesterday i took him to a birthday party for some friends of his. he had pizza and cake and two juice boxes which is a lot of sugar at once for him.

we came home and i put him down for a nap. a half an hour later i heard him screaming; it wasn't an 'i hurt myself scream' or a 'i don't want to take a nap scream'. it was really something different.

so i sprinted upstairs to his room and he was sitting in his bed, hysterical, and when i asked him what was wrong he sobbed, 'i have chocolate all over me!'

i looked at the bed and thought, 'how'd he get chocolate all over his legs? did he take some from the party and it melted? that little punk! i can't believe he did that!'

and then i got a whiff and realized it was most definitely not chocolate.

chocolate. ha. i wish he could crap chocolate.

a few more photos...

...from our vacation, posted on my photography blog.

beach photos

we're still in south carolina, heading into the last couple of days of vacation. i posted a few photos on my photography blog.

public urination

so we're in hilton head. we got down here about 3:30pm today and we checked into the hotel. jeff and i immediately hit the bar outside by the pool and we noticed that they pour them strong in south carolina.

we took the kids to dinner at the inside bar/lounge and then to the inside pool since it started raining (there's a point to this, i promise).

we didn't have any swim diapers on us so we just stuck jack in a pull-up and figured we were good to go. we played in the (heated) pool for a while and then went upstairs to get some dessert to bring back to the room.

and that's when it happened. through my vodka tonic/pina coloda haze, i felt jeff nudging me saying, 'oh my god, oh my god.'

i looked at him and he pointed at jack.

who was standing in a puddle of pee.

in the middle of the gift shop.

jeff said (loudly), "he's just dripping from the pool, right?'. he said it in a voice that i knew meant he knew EXACTY what jack was doing but was trying to pretend otherwise. i grabbed some napkins from the coffee bar and wiped up the puddle saying (in a voice loud enough for everyone in the gift shop to hear), "wow! daddy forgot to towel you off! you sure are dripping from being in the pool! ha ha ha!'

i don't think we fooled anyone.

jack is going to kill jeff and i both.

seriously.

whoosh

(click the photo to see it bigger)

dentist

jack went to the dentist for the first time today; it was a family affair, really: i went in to get molds of my teeth done (for bleaching trays) and kate also had a check up.

jack doesn't usually like new things but today he took the hygenist's hand and went right back to the room. i poked my head in when i heard him laughing and snapped a photo (with my camera phone) of him entertaining ms. kathy:

sigh

i've been having a hard time lately. i used to yearn for the day that the kids would be more self sufficient...wouldn't need me to wipe every runny nose, carry them up every flight of stairs or feed them before i could eat my own meal.

that day is here. and you know what? it's great. the physical exhaustion of having babies and toddlers is pretty much over. i can sit on a bench at the playground while they run around and i can sit on the side of the pool while they splash with friends.

but.

i didn't know that there was a trade-off. the physical exhaustion is gone but it has been replaced with the mental exhaustion. and i don't know which is worse. kate never stops talking ("mommy! look at that cloud! it looks like a big cat! and did you know that pigs lie in dirt? why are pigs pink, mommy? adam says he lives in hollyswood. i want to live in hollyswood because i've never been there. where did we used to live? are we going to see a movie today? you said we could see a movie. and i'm going to have popcorn and candy. what can i have to drink? do i have to have milk at the movie? i had chocolate milk with poppy at the bagel store. he lets us have chocolate milk. and cupcakes, too!" etc etc ETC). she wants answers to all of her questions and sometimes i just want to scream 'SHUT THE HELL UP!' sometimes i just need 5 minutes of quiet. just five minutes. and sometimes i DO yell at her (although i rarely yell 'shut the hell up' (but i have once or twice, i'm embarrassed to admit).

and jack? jack drives me up a wall. he's slow. he's not in a hurry and gets distracted easily and it makes me boil. kate is more like me in this way - she is always on to the next thing. hurry, hurry, hurry, let's go, let's go, let's go. jack? he just sort of moseys along. it takes him about 18 minutes to get out his carseat and out of the car (and this is when i unbuckle him myself). i have to ask him to put his shoes on about a half an hour before we're actually going anywhere because he will start to go to the closet but along the 10 foot walk he will find a coloring book! and crayons! and one of the dog's toys! and! and! and! i'm forever yelling 'let's GO, jack!' or 'HURRY UP! Jack!'

and you know what? i hate yelling at my kids. i feel like the worst mom. and i know we all feel like we're less than perfect moms. i'm not asking for perfection. i just want to be nicer. and more patient. i hate being the mom you see at the mall who is totally frazzeled and snapping at her kids and who looks like she would rather be anywhere but with her kids.

i have this vision in my head of the kind of mom i want to be: the mom who is patient. the mom who is firm and disciplines her children but does it in a loving, positive way. the mom who isn't yelling across the bookstore for her kids to stop climbing the shelves or she's going to take them OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW AND I MEAN IT! the mom who doesn't worry about how other moms perceive her. the mom who lets her kids make a mess at the kitchen table because she knows it's not a big deal to clean it up. the mom who plays with her kids all day instead of trying to run errands because she knows her kids are only going to be little once.

is that even possible?

the leader of the parade

i got the kids some floam today. i hate playdough because it's so messy and i thought this was a good substitute.

i was puttering around the kitchen while the kids played at the table.

kate: mommy! look what i made!

me: what, kate?

(i walk over to the kitchen table)

me:

kate: it's the leader of the parade!

turn it up

i was driving home from the mall today with the kids in the backseat, flipping the channels on the radio.

i stopped when i came to 'irreplaceable' by beyonce. it's a catchy tune. i like it.

from the back seat kate pipes up, 'ooh mommy! will you please turn this up?'

?

so i turn it up and wait.

next thing i know, she's singing 'you must not know 'bout me, you must not know 'bout me'.

and she knows the lyrics to the song because...?

i laughed. seeing your 4-year-old jamming out in her carseat to a tune that tells a loser guy to get lost is funny.

cooking, day 1

i cooked dinner last night (no, really). i found a recipe for crab cakes in a little cookbook i bought on impulse at the checkout stand at the grocery store. the title is 'summer meals' and it's put out by prevention magazine.

greenhouse crabcakes (they're from some spa called greenhouse spa or something like that)
1 lb crabmeat
1 egg
1 cup finely chopped celery
1 Tbsp fat-free mayonnaise
1 Tbsp lemon juice
1/2 tsp white pepper
1/4 tsp curry powder
1/8 tsp ground red pepper
1/8 tsp mustard powder
2 Tbsp chopped, fresh chives
1-2 Tbsp unseasoned, dried bread crumbs
3 drops hot-pepper sauce

1. in large bowl, mix all ingredients and form into 8 patties
2. in medium non-stick skillet, heat patties over low heat until brown, 4 to 5 minutes per side.
Makes 8 crabcakes

it wasn't a total disaster; i ended up with 3 edible crab cakes (out of 7). the first one i had to dump because i tried to flip it too early and it fell apart. the next 3 also fell apart and i gave them to the kids and called it 'crab cake surprise' (sound familiar, mom?). jeff and i ate the last three and they were ok. i would have left out the hot sauce and would have used a different kind of breadcrumb (the only ones i had were panko breadcrumbs which apparently are for japanese foods. eh. you win some, you lose some. one of the problems with the meal was that i was so focused on making the crab cakes that i forgot to make any side dishes. jeff came to the rescue with some rice and corn. he also whipped up an impromptu tartar sauce since i forgot to get that as well.

tonight i'm making a recipe i found in my new cooking light magazine (thanks to everyone who recommended it - i'm loving it so far. the pictures are very pretty): grilled flank steak with tomato, avocado and cucumber salad. jeff is doing the grilling so i can blame at least partial failure on him ;)

dog + tar

they're paving the streets by our house and somehow maggie managed to step in some of it. the pads of her feet are covered in tar (and, now, grass and dirt) and i can't get it off. i googled some remedies and nothing is working (shampoo, petroleum jelly).

does ANYONE out there have any idea how to get tar of the pads of a dog's foot? i guess it serves me right for having the house cleaned today, right?

sigh.

kitty kat

kate's preschool class celebrates shabbat every friday. each week a parent is invited to participate and yesterday was my turn. i brought my camera and took photos of the kids. (more photos are posted on my photography blog)

my favorite one (kate, of course):

if only it were this easy

mommy dearest?

jack's 3rd birthday is coming up and we're staring to make plans for a small party (truly small. just a few kids and we're renting the picnic pavilion in the neighborhood. the kids will play on the playground and eat hamburgers and hot dogs. that's it. no clowns, no magicians, no pony rides.) i think kid's birthday parties have gotten SO out of control and i refuse to participate. my kids will probably hate me for it, but i can live with that. they're going to hate me for something, right?

so having just moved, i've realized what a RIDICULOUS amount of toys my kids have. really. ridiculous. the last thing they need is more toys. so i was thinking that i would make a note on jack's party invitations that asked people to bring a new book to be donated instead of bringing a gift for jack.

and then i remembered the scene in 'mommy dearest' where joan crawford makes christina donate all her birthday gifts except one. is asking for book donations instead of gifts just cruel to a 3-year-old?

liars

anyone who has ever told me it's a cinch to install a ceiling fan is a big fat liar. BIG fat liar. grrrrr.

another (belated) birthday

yesterday was my big brother's birthday; number 37. i forgot to call him and now i feel like a heel. sorry, tom!

happy birthday, zach

my nephew, zach, turns three today. happy birthday!

traffic circle hell

the town we just moved to doesn't have many traffic lights; they have traffic circles. they are large, two-lane, easily navigable circles. if you've ever been stuck in the traffic circle hell in DC, then you will laugh at how elementary these traffic circles are. seriously.

but today when i was running out to get dog food at the grocery store, i came across - quite possibly - the stupidest person in howard county. a guy in a black mercedes was IN the traffic circle and he stopped in the middle of it to allow someone else in. in normal circumstances, letting someone into traffic is a really nice gesture. but in a traffic circle? idiotic. there are huge signs at each entrance that say 'yield to traffic'. in other words, wait until there is a break in the circle and THEN enter the circle and go around. the signs do not say 'enter the circle and then pause to let someone else in.'

have you ever seen that visa commercial where everyone is in the cafeteria and things are moving along smoothly because everyone is paying with their visa debit card? and then some doofus pays with cash and everything comes to a screeching halt with trays flying everywhere and people running into each other? yeah, it was like that.

traffic circle hell i tell you.

back where we started

it has been about a year and a half since we've had a baby monitor in our house. in our last house, we got rid of it when jack was about 1 1/2 because our bedroom was close enough to hear him without it and there was no other place in the house where we couldn't hear him (the kid has a set of lungs).

well, we had the big screen set up in the basement this week and jeff and i both realized that if we're watching a movie down there, we won't be able to hear the kids 4 flights up (jeff said the subwoofer to the new system is 2700 watts. apparently that's a lot and is why we can't hear anything else when we're watching a movie. the house literally shakes during action scenes. i think our neighbors like that a lot). so a new baby monitor it is.

today was my first trip to the baby aisle at target in i don't know how long. and this is what i got:

home sweet home

we are newly settled into the house. the kitchen is completely unpacked, the master bathroom is completely unpacked and the rest of the house is in varying degrees of undress.

yesterday, one of the neighbors on our street knocked on the door and asked if she could take kate and jack for a few hours so we could do some unpacking. another neighbor knocked on the door along with her 3-year-old son and asked if my kids wanted to come out to play. last night all the kids on the street (all 13 of them!) were in the alley riding their bikes and playing together. it was like they had all known each other for years.

this place is unreal. we love it. we love our neighbors and the sense of community this place has. everyone here buys into the idea of the development - it's not just big houses. it's about knowing your neighbors and kids playing in the street and feeling free to show up uninvited at someone's house. i'd say it harkens back to another era, but i don't think that era ever really existed.

we love it and we are lucky. i promise to stop posting soley about the house and try to start posting about more interesting stuff (just for you, jim jewell) ;)

breathe

i've been pretty relaxed the past few weeks as we neared our move date. but today? today it all hit me. the movers are coming tomorrow to pack us and i've been running around the house all day, chasing my tail. i feel like i need to be DOING something; not having anything to do is making me nervous beyond belief.

but it will be ok. i keep hearing my mother's voice in my head, "breathe, kristin. breathe." and i am. i'm trying to focus on how lucky i am that i don't have to pack the entire house up, that 5 men are going to show up tomorrow and do it all for me. i'm reminding myself how lucky we are that jeff's parents offered to let us stay at their house tomorrow night (since we won't have any furniture in our house) and are watching the kids all day saturday while we move into the new house. i remind myself how lucky we are to be able to do this move at all.

we are lucky beyond belief.
breathe in. breathe out.

new favorite

i stumbled across this site today and have spent the past hour drooling over these lofts. in my next life, when i'm a single woman living in the city and am fabulously wealthy, i am going to live in one of the these lofts.

boston lofts

humble pie, party of 1

since the day we signed the contract on the new house, i've been squawking about how unhappy i am with the colors we got stuck with. everyone has told me to wait until everything is done, that it will look better and won't be so yellow. i rolled my eyes like a thirteen-year-old girl and told everyone that i would most definitely NOT like it when it was all done. period. harumph.

today? they started putting up the shutters and i love my house. i love the yellow and green. love it. i'm so glad it's not a beige or white house.

chomp, chomp, chomp.

almost there

they installed most of the landscaping today and also took the covers off the floors and the kitchen cabinets. only had time to snap a few quick pics:

the best our landscape will ever look:
































the kitchen without the cabinet lighting:















and with the lighting on:















standing in the dining room, looking towards the front door:















all that is left to do on the outside is to install the black iron fence around the yard and the green shutters:

thanks mom and dad

my parents are extremely honest people. they taught me and my brothers to be honest even if no one would ever know. the grocery clerk gives you an extra dollar in change? you give it back. the pizza delivery man delivers an extra pizza? call them and let them know (it could have been someone else's pizza!). you get the idea.

i think i've done a pretty good job of following their example (yes, there have been times...but for the MOST part). not because i try to or because i've worked at it but because it's part of who i am; my parents wove that lesson into our everyday life and modeled the behavior for us. for our family it's no different than holding the door for someone or saying please and thank you.

today, at the new house (sorry, jim - you knew i was going to weave the new house into this somehow, right?), i noticed that they installed an extra garage door opener. we only paid for one garage door opener (on the double garage door). i mentioned it to one of the workers and he looked at me and snickered. he told me i should just be quiet and not say anything.

but that's just not me. i make sure to tell the builders when they've forgotten to install something we paid for, so i think i should be just as up front about freebies they've thrown in accidentally.

so this afternoon i sat down to write an email to our project manager and when i opened my mail program, found i already had an email from him. he wanted to let me know that they accidentally ordered two garage doors openers and wanted to know if it would be alright if they kept it in (at no charge to us) since it would cost them money to have the people come back out and take it down.

i emailed back that we were fine with the extra door opener and told him that i was just sitting down to email him to let him know. his response was a sort of stunned, 'thanks. most people would have just not said anything. thanks for your honesty.'

don't thank me. thank my mom and dad.

the best laid plans...

let me set the story up:

* a freshly poured sidewalk at the new house.

* me, jack and kate at the new house to put our hand prints and a 2007 penny in the cement.

* jack.

* jack, jack, jack.

now, the photo: