superheros

i got the kids some superhero dress up costumes today. they rode their bikes around the cul-de-sac, capes flying behind them:

new kid photos...

...taken today, over on my photography blog.

thursday thirteen

Thirteen Things on My Grocery List 1. cheddar bunnies 2. van's waffles 3. milk boxes for the kid's school lunches 4. gallon of milk 5. clifford crunch cereal 6. strawberry sorbet 7. apples 8. turkey bologna 9. bananas 10. bagels 11. eggs 12. blueberries 13. salad bag

long night

jack has been sick all week. it started saturday night when he threw up every hour on the hour and then a few days ago he caught a cold and has been hacking and coughing like a 3-pack-a-day smoker for the past few nights.

last night was the worst and, of course, jeff was out of town. he had a meeting in nyc and i encouraged him to stay overnight to meet up with some of his friends from college who live there. what was i thinking? oh sure, be the cool wife who encourages her husband to have a life outside of her and the kids. jack was up at 10:30pm, 12:30am, 4:30am and then screamed from 6:14am-7am this morning before falling back asleep and waking up at 8:15am.

i'm exhausted.

jeff called me a little bit ago from the train to tell me how great it was to see dan and andrew and to tell me about the dinner they had at mortons (i had flavor blasted goldfish crackers and some of jack's soggy, leftover animal crackers for dinner). i'm glad he had a good time. i'm glad he got to see his friends (one of whom, apparently, reads my blog regularly. hi dan!) but the second he walks in the door tonight, the kids and dog are his. i'm kissing him hello and then heading upstairs to hide out for the rest of the night.

it doesn't seem possible to me that there will ever be a day when jack will be a teenager who wants to sleep all day. i can't wait to wake him up. payback is a bitch.

house update

the roof is shingled and they were starting to put the copper flashing on the dormers today:

ah, seattle

i'm missing seattle terribly this morning. it creeped up on me as i sat curled up on the couch in my flannel pjs and a cup of hot tea. something about cool weather and hot tea or coffee always takes me back to seattle.

i grabbed my laptop and looked up the local papers (seattle times, seattle weekly). it took me back to my first months in wallingford and the long lonely days i spent exploring the neighborhood when i first moved to town and had no friends.

i remember sitting in the starbucks on 45th street with the crossword puzzle and a cup of coffee, just killing time because i had no where to be and no one to be there with. i'm romanticizing it, of course. it seems so delicious and luxurious - the idea of sitting in a coffee shop for as long as i wanted to - because i don't get to do that anymore. but the truth was slightly less shiny. it was lonely and boring a lot of the time.

but still. i miss it. i miss living in the city and the anonymity that came with it. i liked being just one person in a big crowd. i liked not being noticed. i liked being able to observe other people. i liked the freedom. i even came to love the uptight, PC, artys-fartsy vibe in seattle.

i especially miss the public market. not the touristy, crowded market that you see on tv, but the early morning-vendors setting up-quiet market that tourists rarely see. my first christmas eve in seattle (back in 1996) i was lonely and depressed and utterly out of sorts. my roomate's boyfriend offered me a ride down to the market, so i went. he dropped me off and i grabbed a cup of coffee at the original starbucks. it was lightly raining and the piano man (johnny hahn) was playing christmas carols on the corner. i will never forget standing in the rain with my coffee, listening to him. the market was crowded and people were rushing around trying to get last minute errands done while avoiding the rain. but i just stood there and listened. and it was, perhaps, the first time in the lonely months that i had lived there that i felt content.

but that was ten years ago. another decade, another liftetime. i wouldn't trade my kids and husband and friends for anything. but every once in a while, when the weather gets cool and cloudy and i have a good cup of tea, i miss the wide open world and limitless possibilities that seattle represented.

the waiting game begins

we had the first two showings of our (current) house today. the house doesn't officially go on the market until january 12, but yesterday our realtor sent out an email to other agents in her office to let them know our house was going to be coming onto the market and that she could arrange a private showing before then.

we spent the morning cleaning and straightening and scrubbing and cramming. the house looked fantastic but a little foreign. there were no signs of a family living there...no toys on the floor or half empty milk cups on the kitchen table or piles of junk mail on the counter.

one couple really liked our house. they had planned on putting an offer in on another house down the street this morning but wanted to see our house when their realtor showed them the email our agent sent. so they put off making the offer and came to see our house.

our realtor left us a message this afternoon that they really liked the interior of our house more than the other house but they didn't like the yard as much (it's smaller, which, ironically, is what sold us on the house) and they thought the hardwoods were pretty scratched (it's true. i had american cherry floors put down and several months later decided to get a 75 pound dog. did you know that american cherry is one of the softest woods?)

the couple is going to meet with their agent tomorrow and talk about their options. so tonight we sit and wait.

when we got home today i noticed footprints in the carpet; someone had a large foot and wears either hiking boots or work boots. it's strange to think that someone was walking around our house today, opening doors and drawers and peeking into the personal life that we try to shield from the neighbors with curtains and blinds.

i'm trying to remain philosophical about all of this. i remind myself that if the couple chooses our neighbors house (which has been on the market for two months), our neighbors will be very happy. and that sooner or later it will be our turn.

more progress

(what? you thought this was going to a meaningful, thought-provoking post? puh-lease. house, house and more house.)

the dormers go up on the kid's rooms:














view of the garage and kids' playroom over it














kate and jack taking a rest on our newly installed stairs:

dirty little secret

i don't remember jack as a baby.

i realized this yesterday as he was flipping through an old mini-album i made for kate. it had photos of kate as a baby and one or two of jack. i sat with jack as he flipped through the album and pointed out kate ('tate!') and me and jeff. i remembered every photo of kate - i knew how old she was in the photo, why we took the photo and where we were at the time.

and then i saw a photo of jack sitting in my lap and i blanked. i couldn't remember where the photo was taken. or why. or how old he was. looking at him in that photo was like remembering a story someone has told you so often that you begin to think it is your own. i recognized him...i knew him, but i didn't feel like he was mine. he was just a baby sitting on my lap.

i finally realized that the photo was taken at my parents' house (i recognized the couch) but i still don't know why we were at their house (a random trip? thanksgiving?) or how old jack was.

mothers always say they don't have favorites. i'm not sure that's true. i think in every mother's heart there is one child they feel closer to. maybe it's not that they love them more then their other children, but they feel a special bond. i feel that with kate. i remember the first few months of maternity leave when i was bored to tears and would do anything to pass the long days. we danced to music, played in front of the mirror, sat in the sunroom, watched the teletubbies and went on daily trips to target just to get out of the house.

i remember kate as a baby because i had no one else to concentrate on. but jack? poor jack got the shaft. he was always sort of along for the ride. the extra thing i had to remember to bring with me when i left the house. i try to tell myself that it's because the kids are only 21 months apart. i had my hands full, right? but it doesn't make me feel better. and parents don't admit it. they don't admit that the first one is always a little bit more special. that there is a unique bond with the child who made you a parent.

but it's there.

i tell myself that kate made me and jeff parents, but jack made us a family.

and i believe that.

he's finally excited

jeff and the kids went inside the new house for the first time today. jeff is finally excited about the house. he doesn't get excited about abstract things; he needs to see it to believe it (which was a lot of fun when i was pregnant and he wasn't excited about the baby. 'i'll be excited when the baby is born!')

omens

i had a few minutes before picking the kids up at school today so i swung by the new house. because it was raining, no one was working on it so i hopped out of the car and went inside. it was really cool walking through the first floor and thinking about where i was going to put furniture. i was on my way out of the house when i saw the black cat sleeping in the corner of my soon-to-be family room. it woke up and ran off as i walked closer.

what's the saying about bad luck following black cats? :/

friends

yesterday was an awful day. awful, awful, awful. but one nice thing? the two people who i consider my closest friends in my town (i have three best friends who live in other states) were the two people who immediately picked up the phone when they heard what happened and offered whatever help they could. and it wasn't even my mother who passed.

it makes me smile to know they care about me as much as i care about them.

i'm thankful.

WSG and JU - thank you xoxoxoxo

time doesn't stop

a close friend's mother died (unexpectedly) this morning. jeff called me on my cell phone when i was in the car taking the kids to pre-school. a millionth of a second before that call, everything in my life was normal. and a millionth of a second after he said that tessa's mother died, nothing was right. nothing was where it should be. i'm not close to my friend's mother but i know her and see her at birthday parties and at other family functions. i'm sad that she's gone but i'm devastated for my friend. i don't know what to say or what to bring (flowers? food?) or where to go. i went to the ER at the hospital and met them in the consultation room. (consultation room. what a glossed over, benign term for what happens in that room.)

there was nothing i could do. we sat around and talked about everyday things (dave's new playstation 3). i've never been this close to grief, this soon. it was only a few hours after she died and they hadn't left the hospital yet. i thought grief would look different but it doesn't. it looks like life...a part of life just like the birth of your first child or the 80th birthday celebration of your great uncle. life was going on all around us and we just had to go along with it.

time doesn't stop.

a little bird

i was working out with my trainer at the gym yesterday and he told me that he wants me to come to the gym more often to do more cardio.

i stepped out from under the squat bar, looked at him like he was crazy and said, "cyrus, do you know how packed my calendar is? i can barely get to the gym the two days a week we have scheduled let alone come two more days just to do cardio. my schedule is PACKED and i don't have enough time as it is!"

he looked at me and shook his head and said, "you're in charge of your calendar. it's not like some little bird is swooping in and filling it for you."

oy.

his words have been ringing in my head since yesterday morning. he's right. i'm in charge of my calendar. if I'm too busy and overbooked and feeling frantic, it's my own fault. i've been feeling helpless over my schedule...jeff and i tried to make plans to get together with friends and we had to look at january to find some free time. that's crazy.

i'm in charge. and i resolve to make more gaps for free time in my calendar.

three down, one to go

we got back last night from our thanksgiving trip to hilton head, sc. it's always nice to come home, but it was especially nice to come home after 12 hours in the car and then to find out this morning that our house has a basement and two stories framed in. we have one more level and the roof and then we're all framed in. it was so nice to see this morning as i swung by after dropping the kids off at school. the workmen wave to me now and say hello (because i do a slow drive-by almost every day). i'm sure when i drive past they whisper to each other about the crazy gringo in the minivan.

turkey day photos

kate and i took a walk down to the beach this morning, just to the two of us. kate is so much like me...she could walk for hours as long as she was outside. she wanted to touch the dirt and look at the trees and when we got to the beach, she wanted to look for shells and put her hands into the water. she didn't want to leave the beach, just like me. jeff gets bored easily and doesn't like to meander on the beach. but kate? i've got a beach strolling buddy. i love that little girl.

photos here.

happy thanksgiving.

our vacation so far

the weather in hilton head is rainy and about 49 degrees.

!

it's supposed to warm up tomorrow.

we braved the rain and cold this morning and all walked down the beach. photos are here.

we have framing!

they started framing the new house this week. it's unreal how excited i am about a bunch of 2x4's and some floor joists.
random house photos are here.






(they also changed our street address from early morning street to ellington street! whoo hoo! i guess they finally figured out that our front door faces ellington st.)

holiday card

if i thought i could get away with it, i'd use this photo on my holiday card with the caption, "happy fucking holidays!"

mountains out of molehills

i've been dealing with a lot of that lately (as has wendy). but this -THIS- is the grandaddy of them all. judas priest.















(i know you don't understand this. but it makes me feel better just for posting it. wendy, if you're reading this...ARGH!!!!)

thursday thirteen

it's been a while, i know. but here's my thursday thirteen:

Thirteen Things on My To Do List 1. finish the gift wrap planning book 2. make a schedule for my mother-in-law (the kids are staying at her house friday night) 3. pack overnight bags for the kids for friday night 4. start packing myself and the kids for our weeklong trip to the beach that we leave for on sunday 5. wrap christmas gifts for my niece and nephew who we will see at the beach 6. reschedule the photo shoot that was scheduled for this afternoon but can't happen because of the rain 7. figure out how to get all of the charity gift wrap supplies to the correct people before i leave for the beach on sunday 8.download client photos to a backup drive so i can take them with me to the beach and place holiday card photo orders for clients while i'm on vacation 9. judge photographs for a PTSA contest i volunteered for 10. meet with our new home's builder rep to finalize our electrical plan which was due two weeks ago 11. do laundry so i have clothes to pack for me and the kids 12. mail out gift wrap captain packets of info 13. hand out gift wrap flyers at the mall

ppppbbbhhhhhltttt

been a long week. i've got so much on my to do list and i don't think there are enough hours in the days i have left to get it all done. everyone is busy, i know. it's not just me. but i feel my back getting tight and my shoulders are aching and i know the stress has settled in nicely and is making no plans to leave.

the part that kills me is that the thing i'm most stressed out about is a volunteer position. the person in charge of the organization is working her ass off and is way more strung out then i am (sorry you-know-who!) and i can't believe that i'm letting a volunteer commitment get in the way of my business and time with my family. it's ridiculous and i'm mad at myself for not saying no when i knew it would be a stretch and for not being more on top of things. i hate not having a handle on my projects and i hate that my inability to juggle my responsibilities has an impact on someone else (who has way more responsibilities and commitments than i do).

it's been a sucky day. but tomorrow i get to wake up with my husband and my two healthy kids and i get to try to tackle another day.

sigh.

my little brother

my little brother (who is not so little - he's turning 31 in a few weeks) is a band director in ohio. he's great at his job and this article proves it. congrats, danny boy!

band article

oh fer cute

a photo of my niece and nephew on halloween

sleeping beauty and dash

decaf

i forgot to ask for decaf coffee this morning at starucks and my insides are racing around at 85mph. i hate this feeling.

overheard

(kate and jack have been upstairs playing for the past half hour. i hear them tromping around in the bathroom and then kate yelled downstairs)

kate: daddy!

jeff: what?

kate: i need you!

jeff: why?

kate: well, i'm helping jack on the potty and we can't figure out how to make his penis go down.

she meant, of course, that she couldn't make squish it between his legs to make it point down but jeff and i were hysterical, nonetheless.

framing

got an email from the builder's sales rep that says they will start framing our house at the end of this week/beginning of next week.

holy crap - we're actually going to have a house! :D :D :D

random thoughts

GO VOTE TODAY!!!!!!!!!

1. i talked to the insurance claims guys last night. he said my necklace and wedding band *are* covered under our homeowner's policy, but it turns out our deductible is only a few hundred less than the value of the two items so it doesn't make sense for us to file a claim for it.

2. i called the jewelry store in seattle where we bought my wedding band; turns out they still had a record of the purchase and are going to order the exact same ring for me. i was so excited! the ring isn't fancy or expensive, but i love it and am so happy that i'm getting the exact same ring again.

3. jeff is flushing all day today. "flushing" is a political term (apparently) that means he is going around to low voter turnout areas and knocking on doors and asking people to go vote. he's doing that from about 7:30am until 7:30pm tonight (!!!!). our good friend, ken ulman, is running for county executive and jeff agreed to help him out. it's supposed to rain later today >:-)

4.jack was up last night with a cold - coughing and hacking and wheezing - and neither jeff nor i got any sleep. that kid is sick more often than just about any kid i know (except for my niece, haley, who is sick a lot, too. maybe it's a goldscher family trait?)

5. VOTE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

loser

my entire life i have lost things. purses, keys, shoes, you name it. it's something of a joke in my family (at least to my parents). i'm not sure why i lose things; it's not like i don't value the items. i just get distracted (easily) and have a short attention span.

so, until now the things i have lost have been nothing more than an inconvenience (getting a new driver's license, a social security card, wallet, etc). but last weekend i lost a big thing. or three things, actually: my wedding band, a three-stone diamond ring (not my engagement ring) and a diamond pendant necklace.

yep.

all three.

jeff and i went away for the weekend last week and i left all three items on the nightstand next to the bed. i distinctly remember coming back from my massage (where the masseuse even commented on how pretty my three-stone ring was) and taking all the jewelry off to take a nap.

and then i left it there.

the good news/bad news is that the big ring had its own insurance policy so it's covered. the diamond pendant and the wedding band did not have their own insurance policies and because i lost them outside of our house, they are not covered on our homeowner's policy.

i'm distraught. my wedding band was not expensive but it was my.wedding.band. and the necklace? it was the first piece of real jewelry that i bought myself. it should have had it's own policy but for some reason we never got around to it.

i may never wear jewelry again for fear of losing it.
:(

in the new bathroom

i'm going to frame this photo and put it in the powder room in our new house. i'm going to put it directly across from the toilet - at eye level - so when our guests sit down to go to the bathroom, this will be staring back at them:

cousins

i went over to my sister-in-law's house today to take photos of kate and jack and their cousins, haley and paige. tessa had a great idea to take photos of the four of them for our grandmother's 90th birthday.

it was a lot of fun but boy is it tough to get four kids looking in the same direction at the same time. especially when two of them are 2-years-old and only want to eat the lollipops you promised them if they sat and smiled.

photos here

weekend retreat

jeff and i went away to lansdowne resort in virgina yesterday. his cousin and her best friend stayed at our house and watched the kids and jeff and i got a weekend to ourselves.

the resort was beautiful and blissfully child free. we each had massages yesterday afternoon and i also had a facial. my skin hasn't been this smooth since i was 8 years old. we went shopping at the outlet malls and then came back to our room and ordered room service. we got into our jammies, watched 'the break up' (which wasn't that good) and nibbled on room service appetizers as the wind howled outside and the rain came down sideways.

it was the perfect mini getaway. we've both been so busy lately that we haven't seen much of each other except in passing. we talk via email and instant message and have to schedule appointments on each other's calendars. it was so nice to just sit and snuggle and relax.

and now we're home. the instant i opened the door, i was hit by kate running full force into my arms, yelling 'mommy!'

and that was really nice, too.

(here's my room-service breakfast from this morning. my very favorite part of staying at a nice hotel is getting breakfast in bed. i think if i was a prisoner on death row that my last meal request would be room-service pancakes served to me in bed in my pajamas)

the spirit of jack

i was using jack as my model today as i practiced trying to get the correct exposure under different lighting conditions. just a few random snaps as he was eating his snack.

but when i downloaded them to my computer and saw this one, i knew it was a keeper. every once in a while you take a photo of your child that captures them in a way that speaks to you. it may not be the best photo from a technical standpoint (that black backsplash in the background drives me nuts) but it captures the spirit of the child.

this is that picture for me. this is jack.

footings

they've poured the footings for the new house:
house photos

jack's new haircut

kate had ballet this morning so i took jack to get a haircut. i've been trying to grow his hair longer thinking it would be easier to manage. he has very thick, wavy hair that grows really fast. i figured he'd have really cute surfer hair - kind of shaggy and messy on purpose. but instead his hair is a mess and while i realize that he's only 2 years old, i also don't want him looking like a slob.

so i took him to one of those walk in places where kid's haircuts are only $9. i was going to just get it trimmed but saw a photo of a kid on the wall (one of those really big photos that those places have of smiling models with haircuts you know some high priced salon in nyc cut). but i asked the girl to try to give him a haircut like the boy in the photo. i wasn't holding out much hope but figured a) it's hair and it grows and b) he's 2. he doesn't have to have cool hair yet.

well the girl suprised me because i love jack's hair. it's not a little boy bowl cut - it's a real boy haircut and now my little guy looks so much older. she even put gel in his hair to get it spike up like the photo. it's adorable if i do say so myself.
no bias, of course.

note to self

if you buy bags of halloween candy the week before halloween AND it happens to be the week before your period, you will have to buy more candy before the trick or treaters come knocking.

NAOCP

i posted about this new organization over on my photo blog. if you know of any organizations or families who could use this, please email me. it's completely free of charge.

more kids

are you sick of photos of my kids, yet? these are from yesterday, at the playground by the new house.

musings

i've been busy lately...busier than i have been in a very long time. not that staying home with two kids isn't crazy, but this is different. now i have deadlines and other people to answer to and client expectations to meet and it's taking some getting used to. for the past 2 years, i've been my own boss. my clients were an infant and a toddler and they had no idea if i didn't give them a bath or forgot to add carrots to their lunch. nap time was whenever i said it was and it could be a different time every day. i could do what i wanted and no one was the wiser.

but now it's different. i'm volunteering, building a house and my photography is really getting busy and all of a sudden i feel like i'm disappointing people. my mind is in 8 different places and no one is getting the benefit of my full attention. i have friends who run their own businesses, volunteer WAY more than i do and are on so many boards it makes me dizzy. and yet they still find time to take their kids to baseball games and help them with homework and play poker with friends. i don't know how they do it.

i wonder if it's possible to have a type A personality without the drive? you know, to be uptight and tense and want things perfect but not have the drive to make it happen?

i dunno. maybe i'm type W. you know, whatever.

progress

do you know what these are photos of? they're photos of work being done on our new house! finally! we signed the contract two and a half months ago and they started digging the foundation today.



































they tell us we'll still probably hit our original move-in date of march, barring any bad weather this winter. we'll see. at this point, i don't even care. they've STARTED. that's enough for me.

(and in case you're wondering, yes, the houses are close together. they're supposed to be that way; it's a traditional neighborhood development.)

overheard

tonight, as jeff called the kids downstairs for the dinner he had prepared:

jeff: kate! jack! come downstairs for dinner

(two pairs of little feet running down the stairs)

kate: what's for dinner, daddy?

jeff: salmon, rice and edamame

kate: AWWWWWWWWW! i don't WANT that. i want KID food!

throw your arms around me

i can't stop listening to this song this morning:

hunters and collectors cover of a neil finn song

i found it on one of my favorite blogs. this woman has great taste in music and i've come across a few of my new favorites bands through her.

can't stop listening. yum.

a thousand words

the pictures say it better than i can. here's what our weekend looked like:

girls night out blog

i've never seen so many photos of me with my mouth open that wide. we were *those* girls at the restuarant and bars. you know the loud, drunk, obnoxious people that everyone else in the place is looking at and feeling sorry for/annoyed by? yep. that was us.

but we had a blast. an absolute blast.

(the skinny guy with the beard who looks slightly jerry seinfeld'ish? that's my little brother. it was as good seeing him as it was hanging with the girls.)

last night

OUCH.

wendy and i are hurting this morning. seriously hurting. having that much fun should not hurt this bad.

surprise

i drove to ohio with a friend today (we're meeting other friends tomorrow). because we had tonight free, we decided to stop in to see my parents (who live in ohio). i called my dad to let him know we were coming by and that i wanted to surprise mom. we arranged to meet at the house at about the same time.

my friend and i pulled up to the house (dad wasn't there yet) and hopped out. i ran up to the door and rang the bell and my mom opened the door.

and then stood there and stared at me. without saying a word.

(if you know my mother, you know that has never happened before. her not talking, that is.)

she was stunned. and then she hugged me and we laughed and i explained why i was there.

it was wonderful.

thanks for dinner, mom! i got you!

kitty kat and jack jack

praise the lord and pass the beans

got an email today that our house permits are good to go and we can schedule our pre-construction meeting.

whoo hoo!

our house is really going to start being built. and all it took was me getting fed up and calling the permit department myself :)

divinely inspired

last night i broke down and ordered a pizza. i'm not supposed to be eating pizza on my low-glycemic eating plan, but i was craving it and jeff wasn't home and there was no one to stop me.

turns out, i was meant to order that pizza. apparently Christ himself managed my pizza experience. and hey, who am i to argue with Christ?


(click the image to see it larger)

i needed a laugh

jeff and i hit a wall today with the new house - it's been two months since we signed the contract and they still haven't officially broken ground (they've dug some more dirt for the foundation, but that's it). the official word from the builder is that we're waiting for the county to issue the permits. it doesn't take two months to get permits for a house in a development that's already been approved. we're the last single family house in our part of the neighborhood and it's getting disheartening to see all the other houses completed and people moving in.

so today i was mad and frustrated and pissed at no one and everyone. so i decided to take photos of the kids which is what i do to let off steam.

i got this one of jack in his pajamas playing with his new winter hat. it made me laugh which i needed to put things into perspective.

what do you do with a cup?

kate had her 4 year check up at the dr. today. she had to read the eye chart and pee in a cup and have her ears examined. after all that, i had to fill out some paperwork that measures where your child is developmentally. the questionaire asks the kids to draw circles, to identify colors and animals and also has the parent ask the child questions. here's how our question and answer session went down:

me: kate, what do you do with a pencil?

kate: draw with it!

me: what do you do with a banana?

kate: eat it!

me: what do you do with a cup?

kate: pee in it!

random thoughts

* talked to a pregnant friend last night who is due in two weeks. she was asking me about going into labor and if she'd know it (she had read my post on kate's birthday about how i didn't know, with either of my kids, that i was in labor). she was nervous and excited and ready but not ready and it reminded me that just 4 years ago i was in the same position: pregnant with my first baby and not knowing what to expect. i remembered what it was like to be on the other side of the fence - of not having any kids yet but being so close. and i was excited for her, knowing what awaited her on the other side once she has her baby. knowing that she was going to cross over into a completely different world that she has no idea exists right now. i can't wait to welcome her to the other side. it's a great place to be.

* the non-profit i'm involved with collected donations of toiletries last night for a local women's shelter and i offered to drop the items off. the kids are home today and i'm debating dropping the items off today and taking them with me or waiting until they are in school tomorrow to do it. my problem is i'm not sure how to explain to kate what the shelter is. i want my kids to know that not everyone lives the same life they and their friends do, but is 4 years old too young? i'm worried that we'll get to the shelter and kate will ask me a question (in front of someone, i'm sure) that i won't know how to answer without a) being too complicated for her to understand or b) simplifying it so much that it comes across as patronizing. i should just take them with me and deal with it as it comes up, right? why do i worry about these things? how do explain homeless women and children to a 4 year old?

* i went to a dinner last night and decided it was a 'special occasion' so i had some bread AND a large piece of chocolate cake (neither of which i'm supposed to eat on my low-glycemic eating plan). my stomach was up in arms last night and i STILL feel sick this morning. ugh.

* i love fall. it's my favorite season of the year.

today

it's a gorgeous day outside: no humidity, light breeze and leaves that are just turning yellow and starting to litter the lawns. the windows are open and the shades are slapping back and forth against the sills and best of all, the kids are down for naps. i'm having a brief taste of peace right now.

it's a beautiful day.

birthday photos

i posted photos from kate's birthday dinner on my other site.

(AND: i ran into a friend this morning at the coffee shop and she asked me if i'd lost weight. it's working! it's working!) :)

just thinking

i was in the coffee shop this morning with the kids (i love the coffee shop by our new house. they have a small play area for kids so i can actually drink coffee and read without having to entertain the kids).

anyway. this morning. the newspaper. i was skimming an article about wealth and poverty in our country and how so many people can't afford health care. i really don't remember what the article was really about, but it got me thinking anyway: why aren't there 'adopt a family' programs? i mean, you can adopt a child in a third world nation and provide money for their health care and schooling, but we don't have things like that in our own country.

this is particularly meaningful to me right now because we're building a new house. i picked out my new kitchen yesterday and was super excited all day about it. i love my new kitchen (and i don't even cook!). but since the day we put our deposit down on the house, jeff and i have struggled with what it means to buy this house. how can we buy this house when so many other people have so little? we vacillate between that and thinking that we've worked hard and we deserve to enjoy our success.

i volunteer for a non-profit and i'm proud of what i do, but it doesn't feel like enough. i want something more personal...more hands on...more tangible. the newspaper article got me thinking that i'd like to be able to adopt a family - to help them buy their medications and groceries and clothes for their kids. to help with the electrical bill or an unexpected hospital bill or car repair. jeff and i are lucky enough to be in a position to help and yet i feel like i don't know how. i know there's an answer somewhere, i just don't know what it is. i'd love to have some sort of online system that could match families. you could adopt a family and see their 'wish list' (sort of like amazon) but instead of books and CDs, it would be their day-to-day necessities. i don't know how to do it. but it's a thought.

i'm going to keep thinking about it.

happy birthday, kitty kat

today is kate's 4th birthday. four years ago, right now, i was at my midwife's office hooked up to a fetal monitor. i'd gone in for an ultrasound because kate was measuring small (we realized later that she had stopped growing). after the ultrasound, i happened to mention to the doctor that i'd been having frequent braxton hicks contractions all day. she noted that i was only 36.5 weeks along and agreed that it was probably nothing, but just in case, she hooked me up to the fetal monitor.

turns out i was in labor. 4 cm dialated and 75% effaced. didn't even know it. you know how they always say when you're in labor you'll know it? not true. i didn't know either time with my kids.

so four years ago today, i was hooked up to the fetal monitor. jeff watched the contractions on the paper and said several times that it looked like i was in labor. i told him he was wrong. he was right.

i went to my in-laws house around 3pm (they live right around the corner from the hospital and we lived 30 minutes away) to wait out some more contractions. around 6pm they started getting heavy so i headed to the hospital. got hooked up with my epidural and at 11:52pm, anna kate goldscher came screaming her head off into the world. all 4 pounds, 14 ounces and 17 inches of her.

and now she's 4. and i'm finding 4 to be a difficult age (i'll take a 2-year-old any day). but she's still my kitty kat. and i love her. and i can't believe she's 4.

haiku

red and yellow leaves
the trees are turning colors
fall is almost here

thursday thirteen

Thirteen Things I Bought at the Mall Today 1. a really cool pair of puma sneakers 2. a pair of jeans for kate 3. a size 4T fleece jacket that doesn't fit either of the kids right now, but was so cheap i bought it to put away for next winter 4. two hair clips 5. a hair band 6. a cheap, fake pearl necklace to wear for fun 7. a black jersey wrap dress that i want to wear every day because it feels like wearing sweats but looks dressed up 8, 9, 10. two chicken nugget happy meals and a grilled chicken salad at chik-fil-a 11. a decaf, fat free, sugar free vanilla latte 12. a sweatshirt for kate 13. a long green scoop neck tshirt that covers my muffin top Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. finding blanche 2. tessa's blog

'twas the night before...

the kids start school tomorrow. i've been dreaming of this day for the past 4 years. i've held onto it during the 2am feedings, the nights of nebulizer treatments, the ear infections, the temper tantrums, the willful disobedience and the long car trips.

and now it's almost here. it feels like christmas eve - the anticipation of tomorrow is going to make it hard to sleep tonight.

the only kicker is that the first week back to school is a warm up: they only go for an hour tomorrow, an hour on wednesday and and two hours on friday. NEXT week they go to school for real. but even that can't dampen my joy.

tomorrow morning i will get my kids dressed, put their backpacks on and drive them to school. i have stay there for that hour so it's not freedom yet, but it's the start. it's close. i can taste it.

sleep study

i have to go in for a sleep study tonight. a few weeks ago when i went to see my doctor about my high cholesterol, she asked me some general health questions. somewhere in the conversation she hit upon the fact that i'm always tired and as she started asking me more questions (and i kept answering yes, yes, yes), she told me she wanted me to go in for a sleep study. she thinks i might have PLMS - period leg movement syndrome. you know, one of those fake diseases that drug companies invent so that they can sell medicine to cure it? yep, that.

so i have to head into baltimore tonight at 9pm (NINE pm?? i'm usually in bed by 8:30). i get to sleep in a 'hotel-like suite' with monitors taped to my head and body and legs and then i get to leave by 6am tomorrow morning. the worst part is that i can't take a nap today. i'm so tired and all i want to do is lie down on the couch while the kids are napping but i can't.

i haven't been nervous since i scheduled it two weeks ago but today, as the time gets closer to actually having to do it, i'm getting butterflies in my stomach. i know they're not going to find anything wrong with me...i've always been a sleeper and have always been tired. my whole life. it's just the way i'm wired.

sigh.

sweet!

i met some of the women who are going to be my new neighbors! i had to drop off a check today at the builder's office and decided since it was a nice afternoon, i'd take the kids to the playground. we've been to the playground before, but usually in the morning and we've always been the only ones there.

but today.

oh, today.

i drove up to the playground and there were 5 or 6 moms with tons of little kids running around. i was a) glad to see so many little kids and b) nervous about being the new mom on the block and figured no one would talk to me.

enter marty.

she came right up to me and introduced herself and asked if i lived in the neighborhood. i told her we were building our house and were moving in the spring. she laughed and said she did the same thing when she was building her house - she'd come to the playground with her kids hoping to meet other moms.

so she introduced me to the other moms and it turns out that one of them will live on on our street (she moves in next month) and will live two houses away from us AND her son goes to the same preschool as kate and jack (carpoool!). marty was so, so nice. her son is a month younger than kate and she actually had on a tshirt that i have - it says 'i'm too sexy for my minivan.' how could i not like her?? plus, she loves all the same junky reality tv shows i love :)

so it was wonderful. met some moms, kate and jack met some other little kids and i am more excited than before (if that's possible) to move into the new neighborhood. my in-laws moved into their neighborhood 30 years ago when it was first built and some of their best friends to this day are friends they met when the all moved into the neighborhood. everyone was new, so everyone went out of their way to meet each other.

i think that's what maple lawn is going to be like.
i hope!

thursday thirteen

Thirteen Things I Wish I could Eat Today 1. eggs 2. bread 3. milk 4. pepperidge farm milano cookies 5. cheese 6. ketchup 7. mayonnaise 8. pizza 9. onion rings 10. a milkshake 11. ben and jerry's mint chocolate cookie ice cream 12. sushi 13. crystal light fruit punch Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

welcome, dan

my little brother started a blog this week. it's amusing because he's a techno-phobe. doesn't like computers, or techy gadgets and doesn't care that apple is coming out with downloadable movies next week. my older brother, my dad and i are all computer/tech geeks in one form or another. i guess dan figured when my mom (a former techno-phobe who has, in the past few years, come around quite nicely) knew more about computers and internet emoticons than he did that it was time for him to jump in.

so now i have a blog, my older brother has a blog and my little brother has a blog. it's nice because we live in three different states (MD, NC and OH) and don't get to see each other that often. it's a cool way to keep up on the ordinary details of each other's lives...the stuff that doesn't make it into phone calls. i like knowing what my niece and nephew did over labor day weekend and being able to see dan's new-to-him truck.

now if i could just get my mom to start a blog...

funny shirt

saw my friend, wendy, at the gym yesterday morning.

she had on a tank top that read 'schvitz'.

it made me laugh. got to find me one of those.

detox sucks

this week, week one of the 'dare to lose' plan, is called detox.

i hate it.

i had to go to the grocery store last night to pick up baby wipes. it's never a good idea to go the grocery store when you're hungry, never mind when you're forced to eat only vegetables for a week. i walked slowly down the ice cream aisle looking longingly at my old friends, ben and jerry. i made my way over to the deli to fondle my favorite cheeses (hello muenster! looking good, provolone).

sigh.

the woman who runs the program said that after day three, it won't be as hard. day three is tomorrow. she'd better be right. i'm ready to gnaw my arm off.

dare to lose

i signed up for this weight loss program at the gym called 'dare to lose'. it's about learning to make better choices in food and exercise. i figured since my doctor told me to lose 20 lbs that i'd give it a shot. it starts on tuesday and i just got the shopping list for the first week from the instructor. apparently the first week is a 'detox' week; the good news is that there is a list of foods that i can eat the first week - and i can eat as much of them as i want. the bad news is these are the foods:

alfalfa, artichokes, argula, asparagus, bean sprouts, beets, bell pepper, bok choy, broccoli, brussel sprouts, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, celebery, collard greens, cucumber, eggplant, green beans, hot peppers, jimcama, kale, leeks, lettuce, okra, olives, onions, parsley, radishes, sauerkraut, snow peas, spinach, tomato juice, tomato paste (only 2 tbps!), tomato sauce, water chestnuts, watercress, yellow squash and zucchini.

seriously? i'm supposed to eat that for a week? there is another list of fruits i'm allowed to have (but only 3 servings per day) and also a list of sample menus. want to read one of them?

pre-breakfast
lemon juice in warm water

breakfast
canteloupe
herbal tea

snack
banana
detox or herbal tea

lunch
vegetable juice
veggie burger
cucumber salad
carrot sticks
apple
detox or herbal tea

snack
green beans
detox or herbal tea

dinner
vegetable soup
mixed greens salad with mushrooms, asparagus, tomato and beets
strawberry and blueberry medley
herbal tea

snack
fresh cucumber, red and yellow peppers
detox or herbal tea

i have way too many comments to post them all here, but let me just say: pre-breakfast? riiiiiight. green beens are not a snack unless they are accompanied by a bowl of ice cream. strawberry and blueberry medley? if there isn't any whipped cream then it's just some fruit in a bowl.

what have i gotten myself into?
if you know me and see me around town the next week and a half, you probably don't want to talk to me because i think i'm going to be super cranky.

i didn't do it. i swear.

(he took a tumble at the playground yesterday)

funny man

a little background for today's story:

we're having new carpet installed in the bedrooms today. we had to clear out all the kids toys and all our junk and we stashed it all in every nook and cranny we could, including the bathrooms. we have dresser drawers in our tub and all kinds of junk in the kids' bathroom tub.

so. kate's preschool has been out since mid-june and they don't start again for two more weeks. i've had a little too much kid time and i'm at the end of my rope. at the risk of sounding like an awful mom, i'm sick and tired of being with my kids 24/7.

as jeff was leaving for work this morning, i told him that today might be the day he got a phone call at work telling him i'd drowned the kids in the bathtub.

he looked at me for a minute and said, "you can't do it today because the tubs are all filled. i'll worry about it tomorrow."

funny man. funny man.

and the award goes to...

if there were an award for the mother who could scream the loudest and most often at her children, i would win it. hands down. no contest.

stay-at-home-dad

jeff watched the kids all day today. i had a photo shoot this morning, came home and proofed the photos for 3 hours and am leaving in 10 minutes for another photo shoot.

he was just wrangling them into the car to take them over to his parent's house for dinner when he turned to me and said, "i don't know how you do this. i'd shoot myself."

sometimes it's the simplest things that make me happy :)

k and j

today:




























my mom called this morning because it's been ages sinces we last talked. at one point, kate wanted to talk to her. i gave kate the phone and the first thing she says is 'i don't have any clean underwear today, nan'.

thanks, kate. rat me out, why don't you?

i know, i know

it's been a while. we just got back from vacation a few days ago and i'm getting caught up on my life. regular posts are coming :)

one item to note: three weeks from today, BOTH KIDS WILL BE IN PRESCHOOL THREE MORNINGS PER WEEK!!!!!! my life restarts in three weeks.

sigh.

bliss.

at the beach

took this one of jeff and jack this morning:

20 pounds

my doctor told me yesterday that i need to lose 20 pounds.

twenty. pounds.

that's a lot. i'm only 5'2".

it bugged me all day. i've never been told by anyone that i needed to lose weight. ever. i've always been the small, athletic girl who could eat whatever i wanted and not gain any weight. i've always been active. i only gained 20 pounds when i was pregnant with kate (and lost it all and then some after she was born) and i only gained 17 pounds with jack. i've been working out with a trainer for 2 years. i'm strong. but apparently overweight as well.

sheesh.

the doctor asked me to tell her about my diet and i was really proud - i started ticking off all the nutritious, organic foods i eat and proudly told her that i stopped eating meat about 3 months ago.

she cut me off halfway through my list and asked me, "so where are all the vegetable?"

um.....vegetables?

riiiiiiiiight.

sort of forgot about that.

apparently i'm eating way too much dairy and protein and not enough vegetables.

sigh. so i'm off to the grocery store to buy some carrots and celery and any other rabbit food i think i can stand to eat.

those pounds better melt off me.

thursday thirteen

Thirteen Things about today 1. a clean, groomed dog is a joy to behold 2. i get to start picking out new house selections in two weeks 3. we're leaving for the beach on saturday and i haven't begun to pack 4. going to the beach with five other families could be a disaster 5. i have a dr. appointment today to discuss my high cholesterol 6. kate got herself dressed this morning by herself 7. jack did not 8. i'm wearing one of my favorite shirts today. across my boobs it reads 'girls against gravity' 9. i drank a large cup of caffeinated coffee this morning (which i don't usually do) and i'm totally jittery 10. the kids start preschool in 4 weeks and 4 days 11. i have to finish a photography project for a client before we leave for the beach. it's going to be a tight squeeze. 12. all the fall clothes are in the stores and it pisses me off. summer isn't over yet. 13. i can't wait for fall so i can wear jeans (and won't have to shave my legs every day) and closed toe shoes (so i don't have to polish my toes all the time) Links to other Thursday Thirteens! (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

plumber butt

so i dropped my diamond ring down the bathroom sink last night. total accident - i was giving the kids a bath and realized i was still wearing my ring. without even thinking, i took it off and tossed it over to the sink, forgetting that my sink doesn't have a stopper thingy in it (i have no idea where it went).

the ring hit nothing but net on the way down.

gulp.

i called down to jeff and told him what happened. he promptly called his brother - who can fix anything and everything and whom we probably owe thousands of dollars for all the help he's given us - and asked him what to do. dave walked him through it and jeff told me what to do.

then jeff left to go sit shiva for a distant relative.

so i got out the wrench, turned off the water, unscrewed the sink trap and voila! dumped my ring and all the gooky water into a plastic bin. i put everything back together, tested for leaks and put my ring in my jewelry drawer.

i might have to get some low hanging pants and let my crack start showing.

happy things

1. a humidity free day with a light breeze

2. two new pairs of shoes

3. sitting on the porch while jack yells at the koi pond "where nemo go? where nemo go?"

4. catching up on emails and phone calls from the last week (EM - i'm going to email you a new date! promise!)

5. leaving the dog at the groomer so she'll come home today with a (clean) clipped coat and shorter toenails

6. not having anything to do until i pick kate up at camp at 1pm

7. looking through my new ann sacks tile catalog, drooling over all the tile i want for the new house but can't afford and will never get

yesterday

yesterday was august 7 - two years to the day that we brought jack home from the hospital. he was in the nicu for 37 days. 5 weeks and 2 days. the longest 5 weeks our mine and jeff's lives combined.

O's vs. Yanks

jeff and i went to the orioles v. yankees game last night with some friends of ours who are visiting DC this month. we had great seats - directly behind home plate, about 20 rows back. we were in the shade for the entire game and the oppressive heat of the past few days had broken. all of that would have been enough, but we beat the yankees 5-0 and they only had one hit all game.

stick that in your pipe, yankee fans.

they've started!

we drove by the new lot tonight because i hadn't seen it in a few days and i was itching to see if they'd gotten started. they have! they've started (just barely) digging out the basement; there were a few big piles of dirt. that's all. just a few big piles of dirt, but it's something. SOMETHING.

the wait for the new house is as slow and painful for me as the wait when i was pregnant. i want something to happen NOW. right now, not months from now (my dad jokes that's the reason both my kids were premature). :)

i can't wait to see more big piles of dirt.

so nice

my sister-in-law brought her kids over this morning so our kids could all play. we were going to try to meet at the pool but i had to stay home to wait for the AC repair man (just missing one little part - the AC is working) and a pick-up service to pick up some IKEA stuff we bought but that doesn't fit the space.

so tessa brought the kids over and the kids played in the basement and in kate's room. we ordered pizza for lunch and tessa and i got to sit around and shoot the shit. it was so nice. i love that our kids are old enough to play together without needing us.

thursday thirteen

Thirteen Things about today 1. i love my in-laws like they were my own parents 2. i am very lucky to have air conditioning on a regular basis. some people live without it. 3. you can go through the mcdonalds drive-thru with you and your kid in pajamas and the man at the window will pretend not to notice. 4. dogs do not like to be hot 5. workout clothes absorb sweat even when you're not working out 6. kids are more resilient than their parents 7. don't order coffee on a 100 degree day when you have no air conditioning 8. the effect of a cold shower lasts for about 30 minutes 9. frosty refrigeration is a funny name for an HVAC company 10. i'm glad we'll have two HVAC systems in our new house 11. jeff's office has air conditioning and no children 12. i understand why there are more violent crimes in the summer 13. i am thankful that i have a cool(er) basement to hang out in today and am not homeless on the streets. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. ItÂ’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

perfect timing

maryland is breaking all kinds of records for high temperatures the past week or so. it was 100 degrees today (depending on where you got your info; i saw everything from 98 to 103). the kids are hot, the dog is hot, jeff is shvitzing like there's no tomorrow and every other phrase out of my mouth is 'it's HOT'.

to top it all off, our air conditioning just died.

no, really, it did. the house is about 80 degrees and not cooling down. jeff went to look at the unit in the basement and discovered that our carpet was soaking wet and that the unit wasn't running at all.

AT.
ALL.

jeff's brother is coming over to see if he can help (he's a handyman savant) and his parents said we could pack up the kids and the dog and sleep at their incredibly cool house tonight.

it's hot. jeff is in a pissy mood and i am going to have to go wake up two sweaty sleeping kids and take them to my in-laws.

good times.

254

my doctor called me today with the results of my bloodwork. i thought for sure she was going to tell me that my thryoid is out of whack and that's why i'm packing on the pounds and feeling like crap lately.

nope.

she called to tell me that my cholesterol is 254.

TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY-FOUR.

anything over 200 is considered high. optimal range is around 150'ish (i think).

i'm so pissed. i stopped eating meat, started eating whole grains and have been working out with a trainer 2x per week. i could have been eating ice cream and pizza for every meal while lying on the couch watching jerry springer and my cholesterol would be the same.

our new street

that's our new address come March 2007. our new house will be on the corner of ellington and early morning; we were hoping (praying) our address would be ellington because our front door faces it, but no luck. it's better than our current street name (liquid laughter lane. really, it is.) but we still think early morning sounds goofy. especially since the other streets are liberty and harrison and midtown and chesapeake and normal sounding names like that.

in any case, the paperwork is signed and we are the proud owners of a big pit of mud. we found out that we don't get to pick the colors of the outside of our house; we didn't even think to ask that when we were looking at the neighborhood. but apparently the homeowner's association decides what colors houses go where. i guess it's a good thing so you don't have three yellow houses in a row, but it was still a bit of a surprise. i was planning on a white house with black shutters but it turns out we're getting a yellow house with green shutters and white trim. it's very pretty but i just never pictured myself as a yellow house kind of girl.

here's a picture of what our house will look like: (the white one on the left)
















but it will be in these colors:















we're super excited about the house. we have so many things we have to decide - cabinets and countertops and carpet and wood floors and trims and hardware, but it's thrilling. we remodeled our current kitchen last spring and although it pains me to have put that much work into it just to sell it a year later, i also get to apply lessons learned to the new kitchen. i feel so lucky and giddy and happy and i just want to jump up and down and yell '[our new address!], [our new address!]'

*edited on 8-8-06. husband did not want our new address out in cyberspace.