the house, yet again

they started installing some of the cabinetry this week (not the custom stuff, just the standard cabinets in the secondary bathrooms) and also got most of the trim work and molding up. it's looking like a real house and i'm more and more antsy to move in:

the siding is almost finished (we wish we could keep it this color instead of having it painted bright yellow, but we don't have a say in the matter)
















the family dining area (where the kitchen table goes), looking into the kitchen and the dining room and living room beyond that:




















the bonus room/kid's playroom over the garage:















standing in the living room looking towards the dining room and the kitchen beyond that:















standing at the front door (in the foyer) looking into the dining room:

older kids

every mother should have a good friend with older children. wendy has three boys, ages 8, 9, and 11 and they frequently give us toys and games they've outgrown. yesterday they dropped off the best gift yet - a new book that the kids absolutely love.

thanks, davis, reed and max!

limbo

i'm in limbo and it's driving me nuts. the house isn't sold but our new house is nearing completion. i have so many ideas for furniture and paint and artwork for the new house and all i can do is...sit. and wait.

neither of which i am very good at.

so it sit here, in limbo. in a house that no longer feels like my own. waiting to move to the next chapter of my life. just sitting and waiting.

there are worse things in life, i know. but did i mention that i'm not good at waiting?

new kid photos

kate won't let me take photos of her so i've only got photos of jack to share:
my photography blog

yep, more house photos

we're completely drywalled and the siding is going up. found out this morning that the cabinetry is scheduled to be installed the first week of march which i am beyond excited about.


































kate and jack standing in the family dining area off the kitchen (where the kitchen table will go):

the doorbell

this morning i was in the bathroom when jack walked in. i asked him if he was supposed to walk into the bathroom when someone is in it and he said, "no. i knock!". i told him that was right and he went back into the hall and closed the door, presumably to knock.

i waited a minute and then heard him say, 'ding dong!'

lol.

disney video

if you want to see a really long (17 minute) video that jeff put together:

disney video that will take 14 years to download

really, i promise

i've been swamped since i got back from vacation. one more project to get off my desk this afternoon and then i promise a post about disney.

really.

we're back

got back on monday night from a 5-day trip to disneyworld. pictures and a real post coming soon...

having it all

i tivo the oprah show every day but only watch it a few times per week; i don't care about bob green's new diet or about how oprah got her dogs under control with help from cesar milan.

but today the topic was the friction between working moms and stay at home moms. the question being asked was 'can women have it all?'. elizabeth vargas started off explaining why she left her job when she got pregnant. the rest of the show was working moms and stay at home moms talking about the choices they've made and the guilt and regrets they both have. the working moms felt guilt for not being home for all the milestones and the stay at home moms regret giving up so much of themselves for their kids. and of course there were the us vs. them battles where women on opposite sides made snide remarks about the other's choices.

i watched the entire show and at the end of it i was struck with one thought: the question shouldn't be 'can women have it all?', but 'what does it mean to have it all?'. why does having it all mean being super mom and ceo of a company? why can't having it all mean working part time? or working full time and being fine with it? or being a stay at home and not regretting it? just as the question for men has changed from being 'are you successful?' to 'what is your definition of succesfull?', the questions needs to change for women.

me? i personally think the current definition of having it all (working a full-time, high paying, high powered career AND being a mom) is an impossible feat. i think you can do one or the other very well or do both decently.

the other question that struck me was when oprah asked the panel of women 'what is best for the children?' and you know what i think? i think the best thing for the kids is a mother who is comfortable with her decision and happy with the balance in her life. whether it's working full-time, part-time or staying home, our kids need to see their mothers as happy, fulfilled people. how that happens is different for everyone and no one can judge someone else for their choice.

seriously?

i've been having issues with my weight lately. i never had weight issues growing up and really never even thought about weight until i was in college. even then, it was just the normal weight issues all college students deal with.

but lately, i've gained a lot of weight and weigh the same i did when i was my most pregnant with kate. it's not pretty. but i'm dealing with it and trying to recognize that at least some of the weight is a result of some medication i take.

so last night, jeff went to get the mail we forgot to get out of the mailbox on saturday. i was sorting through the junkmail and found a catalog addressed to me. i'd never heard of this catalog and started flipping through it.

it was plus sized work-out clothes.

seriously.

how the HELL did i get on this mailing list and could the timing possibly be any worse?

my self esteem is about this big right now. sheez.

more photos

a few new photos of kate and jack are up on my other blog.

stonework

they've started the stonework on our house - we now have a patio and the base of the house is almost completed. the electricians are supposed to finish today and then next week the other electricians come (to do the low voltage wiring). we might be looking at the end of march to move in!

buh bye

we are officially a pacifier free house. we wanted to wean jack off them before we left for disneyworld next week but didn't think we could do it.

enter my dear friend, aylin.

i saw her in nc a few weeks ago and she mentioned cutting off the top of the pacifier a little bit each night until there was nothing left. it was an interesting idea.

the first night we snipped off a bit of his paci, jack was mighty confused. he kept holding it up to us saying, 'my paci is in pieces!'. we assured him it was ok and put him to bed. he cried for about 45 minutes.

we snipped the paci a little bit over the course of a week and now he doesn't even ask for them when he goes to bed.

i feel liberated. especially because now we won't have to do the mad paci scramble on vacation, always wondering if we have one with us or worrying about leaving them on the plane.

bliss.

freeze

my whole life i've looked forward to the next thing. when i was in junior high, i couldn't wait until high school. in high school, i couldn't wait for college. in college, i couldn't wait to get out on my own and pay my own bills (really, i couldn't. i loved the freedom that came with paying my own bills). when i lived in georgia, i couldn't wait to move to seattle. when i was single, i couldn't wait to get married.

i've never (or rarely) been one to look at the past longingly and wish i could go back. i'm convinced that the best is yet to come and i'm always eager for it .

until now.

for the first time in my life (or at least that i can remember), i want time to stop. i want to freeze my life right here and preserve it in amber. i want it to stop now while the kids still want to come into our bed during a thunderstorm. while they still want to lay on my lap when they are sick. while they still pad around the house in their footed sleepers, laughing and playing with each other.

i want to freeze things before jeff and i hit a rough patch in our marriage. before the kids become teenagers who think we are the dumbest people on earth and don't want to go on vacations with us. before jeff's business hits the inevitable slow year. before we have to make decisions about the care of our aging parents.

i'm sad that this time in our life is going to be over. i know these are the years we are going to look back on, after life has dealt us the blows that fall to everyone, and think, 'remember when the kids were little? remember when your business was just taking off and we were moving into the new house and the world was wide open with possibilities and we had no idea what was in store for us? remember how happy and naive we were?'

i just want it to stop.

it's official

our house is on the market as of 7am this morning:

house listing

now all we have to do is keep the house clean and neat with two little kids and a large dog running around.

should be fun.

kate's shoes

i can't tell you how many times i've been asked (even by strangers in the mall) where i got kate's pink and white polka dot shoes. just this morning, someone on a photography forum i'm a member of emailed me to ask about them! if you're looking for a pair, here they are:

puddle jumper shoes

just being funny

i got a wild hair and decided to make dinner tonight. i've been scrambling around the kitchen looking for ingredients and cookbooks and pots and pans.

kate saw me and asked me what i was doing.

i (rather proudly) told her i was cooking dinner and she laughed.

"you're just being funny, right mommy? you don't cook dinner, DADDY cooks dinner!"

heh heh heh. yep, just being funny.

history repeats itself

the kids and i are in north carolina where we've been visiting some of my college friends for the past few days. it's been a great visit and the kids have been pretty good.

and then i took the kids to the hotel pool this afternoon.

i had the forethought to bring bathing suits, but not floaties. when we got to the pool, i told kate to stay on the steps. she'd been playing for a few minutes (and jack didn't want to go in) when she stepped off the bottom step and into water over her head.

i've heard people say things move in slow motion when stuff like this happens, but there was nothing slow about it. before i even had time to think about what i was doing, i jumped in the pool (with my brand new dankso clogs on and my cell phone in my hand, of course) and pulled her up into my arms.

her tiny, wet body clung to me and we were both shaking as i climbed out of the pool and gripped her tightly to me.

the funny thing is i remember the exact same thing happening when i was 3 or 4: i was in the kiddy pool and my dad was standing by watching me (in his tennis clothes, of course). i vaguely remember being under the water and not being able to stand back up and then my dad jumped in and scooped me up.

i've been shaking for the past hour as i remember the look of absolute fear in kate's eyes as she was under the water. what if i hadn't been standing there? what if i'd been changing jack into his swimsuit when it happened and i didn't see her go under? what if, what if.

she's safe and sound and eating her pasta and playing with a plastic toy she got in a kid's meal and i am grateful for small miracles.

maybe march?

we got a call from the builder today that we're going to have our electrical walk through next week (which is when we tell them exactly where we want all the outlets and plugs and switches). our realtor told us that it's generally about 60 days from the electrical walk through until settlement.

60 days.

so instead of mid to late april, we're looking at early to mid march.

!!!!!!!!!

i'm so excited and all i want to do is start ordering the new furniture. jeff is focusing on more practical (boring, dull) things like selling our current house. house, schmouse. i want to buy a new sofa.

i think the reason we're ahead of schedule is because of the incredibly mild winter we're having. so if you're complaining about the lack of snow or grumbling about 50 degree weather in december, don't. global warming, global schmarming. we're moving a month and a half ahead of schedule!

superheros

i got the kids some superhero dress up costumes today. they rode their bikes around the cul-de-sac, capes flying behind them:

new kid photos...

...taken today, over on my photography blog.

thursday thirteen

Thirteen Things on My Grocery List 1. cheddar bunnies 2. van's waffles 3. milk boxes for the kid's school lunches 4. gallon of milk 5. clifford crunch cereal 6. strawberry sorbet 7. apples 8. turkey bologna 9. bananas 10. bagels 11. eggs 12. blueberries 13. salad bag

long night

jack has been sick all week. it started saturday night when he threw up every hour on the hour and then a few days ago he caught a cold and has been hacking and coughing like a 3-pack-a-day smoker for the past few nights.

last night was the worst and, of course, jeff was out of town. he had a meeting in nyc and i encouraged him to stay overnight to meet up with some of his friends from college who live there. what was i thinking? oh sure, be the cool wife who encourages her husband to have a life outside of her and the kids. jack was up at 10:30pm, 12:30am, 4:30am and then screamed from 6:14am-7am this morning before falling back asleep and waking up at 8:15am.

i'm exhausted.

jeff called me a little bit ago from the train to tell me how great it was to see dan and andrew and to tell me about the dinner they had at mortons (i had flavor blasted goldfish crackers and some of jack's soggy, leftover animal crackers for dinner). i'm glad he had a good time. i'm glad he got to see his friends (one of whom, apparently, reads my blog regularly. hi dan!) but the second he walks in the door tonight, the kids and dog are his. i'm kissing him hello and then heading upstairs to hide out for the rest of the night.

it doesn't seem possible to me that there will ever be a day when jack will be a teenager who wants to sleep all day. i can't wait to wake him up. payback is a bitch.

house update

the roof is shingled and they were starting to put the copper flashing on the dormers today:

ah, seattle

i'm missing seattle terribly this morning. it creeped up on me as i sat curled up on the couch in my flannel pjs and a cup of hot tea. something about cool weather and hot tea or coffee always takes me back to seattle.

i grabbed my laptop and looked up the local papers (seattle times, seattle weekly). it took me back to my first months in wallingford and the long lonely days i spent exploring the neighborhood when i first moved to town and had no friends.

i remember sitting in the starbucks on 45th street with the crossword puzzle and a cup of coffee, just killing time because i had no where to be and no one to be there with. i'm romanticizing it, of course. it seems so delicious and luxurious - the idea of sitting in a coffee shop for as long as i wanted to - because i don't get to do that anymore. but the truth was slightly less shiny. it was lonely and boring a lot of the time.

but still. i miss it. i miss living in the city and the anonymity that came with it. i liked being just one person in a big crowd. i liked not being noticed. i liked being able to observe other people. i liked the freedom. i even came to love the uptight, PC, artys-fartsy vibe in seattle.

i especially miss the public market. not the touristy, crowded market that you see on tv, but the early morning-vendors setting up-quiet market that tourists rarely see. my first christmas eve in seattle (back in 1996) i was lonely and depressed and utterly out of sorts. my roomate's boyfriend offered me a ride down to the market, so i went. he dropped me off and i grabbed a cup of coffee at the original starbucks. it was lightly raining and the piano man (johnny hahn) was playing christmas carols on the corner. i will never forget standing in the rain with my coffee, listening to him. the market was crowded and people were rushing around trying to get last minute errands done while avoiding the rain. but i just stood there and listened. and it was, perhaps, the first time in the lonely months that i had lived there that i felt content.

but that was ten years ago. another decade, another liftetime. i wouldn't trade my kids and husband and friends for anything. but every once in a while, when the weather gets cool and cloudy and i have a good cup of tea, i miss the wide open world and limitless possibilities that seattle represented.

the waiting game begins

we had the first two showings of our (current) house today. the house doesn't officially go on the market until january 12, but yesterday our realtor sent out an email to other agents in her office to let them know our house was going to be coming onto the market and that she could arrange a private showing before then.

we spent the morning cleaning and straightening and scrubbing and cramming. the house looked fantastic but a little foreign. there were no signs of a family living there...no toys on the floor or half empty milk cups on the kitchen table or piles of junk mail on the counter.

one couple really liked our house. they had planned on putting an offer in on another house down the street this morning but wanted to see our house when their realtor showed them the email our agent sent. so they put off making the offer and came to see our house.

our realtor left us a message this afternoon that they really liked the interior of our house more than the other house but they didn't like the yard as much (it's smaller, which, ironically, is what sold us on the house) and they thought the hardwoods were pretty scratched (it's true. i had american cherry floors put down and several months later decided to get a 75 pound dog. did you know that american cherry is one of the softest woods?)

the couple is going to meet with their agent tomorrow and talk about their options. so tonight we sit and wait.

when we got home today i noticed footprints in the carpet; someone had a large foot and wears either hiking boots or work boots. it's strange to think that someone was walking around our house today, opening doors and drawers and peeking into the personal life that we try to shield from the neighbors with curtains and blinds.

i'm trying to remain philosophical about all of this. i remind myself that if the couple chooses our neighbors house (which has been on the market for two months), our neighbors will be very happy. and that sooner or later it will be our turn.

more progress

(what? you thought this was going to a meaningful, thought-provoking post? puh-lease. house, house and more house.)

the dormers go up on the kid's rooms:














view of the garage and kids' playroom over it














kate and jack taking a rest on our newly installed stairs:

dirty little secret

i don't remember jack as a baby.

i realized this yesterday as he was flipping through an old mini-album i made for kate. it had photos of kate as a baby and one or two of jack. i sat with jack as he flipped through the album and pointed out kate ('tate!') and me and jeff. i remembered every photo of kate - i knew how old she was in the photo, why we took the photo and where we were at the time.

and then i saw a photo of jack sitting in my lap and i blanked. i couldn't remember where the photo was taken. or why. or how old he was. looking at him in that photo was like remembering a story someone has told you so often that you begin to think it is your own. i recognized him...i knew him, but i didn't feel like he was mine. he was just a baby sitting on my lap.

i finally realized that the photo was taken at my parents' house (i recognized the couch) but i still don't know why we were at their house (a random trip? thanksgiving?) or how old jack was.

mothers always say they don't have favorites. i'm not sure that's true. i think in every mother's heart there is one child they feel closer to. maybe it's not that they love them more then their other children, but they feel a special bond. i feel that with kate. i remember the first few months of maternity leave when i was bored to tears and would do anything to pass the long days. we danced to music, played in front of the mirror, sat in the sunroom, watched the teletubbies and went on daily trips to target just to get out of the house.

i remember kate as a baby because i had no one else to concentrate on. but jack? poor jack got the shaft. he was always sort of along for the ride. the extra thing i had to remember to bring with me when i left the house. i try to tell myself that it's because the kids are only 21 months apart. i had my hands full, right? but it doesn't make me feel better. and parents don't admit it. they don't admit that the first one is always a little bit more special. that there is a unique bond with the child who made you a parent.

but it's there.

i tell myself that kate made me and jeff parents, but jack made us a family.

and i believe that.

he's finally excited

jeff and the kids went inside the new house for the first time today. jeff is finally excited about the house. he doesn't get excited about abstract things; he needs to see it to believe it (which was a lot of fun when i was pregnant and he wasn't excited about the baby. 'i'll be excited when the baby is born!')

omens

i had a few minutes before picking the kids up at school today so i swung by the new house. because it was raining, no one was working on it so i hopped out of the car and went inside. it was really cool walking through the first floor and thinking about where i was going to put furniture. i was on my way out of the house when i saw the black cat sleeping in the corner of my soon-to-be family room. it woke up and ran off as i walked closer.

what's the saying about bad luck following black cats? :/

friends

yesterday was an awful day. awful, awful, awful. but one nice thing? the two people who i consider my closest friends in my town (i have three best friends who live in other states) were the two people who immediately picked up the phone when they heard what happened and offered whatever help they could. and it wasn't even my mother who passed.

it makes me smile to know they care about me as much as i care about them.

i'm thankful.

WSG and JU - thank you xoxoxoxo

time doesn't stop

a close friend's mother died (unexpectedly) this morning. jeff called me on my cell phone when i was in the car taking the kids to pre-school. a millionth of a second before that call, everything in my life was normal. and a millionth of a second after he said that tessa's mother died, nothing was right. nothing was where it should be. i'm not close to my friend's mother but i know her and see her at birthday parties and at other family functions. i'm sad that she's gone but i'm devastated for my friend. i don't know what to say or what to bring (flowers? food?) or where to go. i went to the ER at the hospital and met them in the consultation room. (consultation room. what a glossed over, benign term for what happens in that room.)

there was nothing i could do. we sat around and talked about everyday things (dave's new playstation 3). i've never been this close to grief, this soon. it was only a few hours after she died and they hadn't left the hospital yet. i thought grief would look different but it doesn't. it looks like life...a part of life just like the birth of your first child or the 80th birthday celebration of your great uncle. life was going on all around us and we just had to go along with it.

time doesn't stop.

a little bird

i was working out with my trainer at the gym yesterday and he told me that he wants me to come to the gym more often to do more cardio.

i stepped out from under the squat bar, looked at him like he was crazy and said, "cyrus, do you know how packed my calendar is? i can barely get to the gym the two days a week we have scheduled let alone come two more days just to do cardio. my schedule is PACKED and i don't have enough time as it is!"

he looked at me and shook his head and said, "you're in charge of your calendar. it's not like some little bird is swooping in and filling it for you."

oy.

his words have been ringing in my head since yesterday morning. he's right. i'm in charge of my calendar. if I'm too busy and overbooked and feeling frantic, it's my own fault. i've been feeling helpless over my schedule...jeff and i tried to make plans to get together with friends and we had to look at january to find some free time. that's crazy.

i'm in charge. and i resolve to make more gaps for free time in my calendar.

three down, one to go

we got back last night from our thanksgiving trip to hilton head, sc. it's always nice to come home, but it was especially nice to come home after 12 hours in the car and then to find out this morning that our house has a basement and two stories framed in. we have one more level and the roof and then we're all framed in. it was so nice to see this morning as i swung by after dropping the kids off at school. the workmen wave to me now and say hello (because i do a slow drive-by almost every day). i'm sure when i drive past they whisper to each other about the crazy gringo in the minivan.

turkey day photos

kate and i took a walk down to the beach this morning, just to the two of us. kate is so much like me...she could walk for hours as long as she was outside. she wanted to touch the dirt and look at the trees and when we got to the beach, she wanted to look for shells and put her hands into the water. she didn't want to leave the beach, just like me. jeff gets bored easily and doesn't like to meander on the beach. but kate? i've got a beach strolling buddy. i love that little girl.

photos here.

happy thanksgiving.

our vacation so far

the weather in hilton head is rainy and about 49 degrees.

!

it's supposed to warm up tomorrow.

we braved the rain and cold this morning and all walked down the beach. photos are here.

we have framing!

they started framing the new house this week. it's unreal how excited i am about a bunch of 2x4's and some floor joists.
random house photos are here.






(they also changed our street address from early morning street to ellington street! whoo hoo! i guess they finally figured out that our front door faces ellington st.)

holiday card

if i thought i could get away with it, i'd use this photo on my holiday card with the caption, "happy fucking holidays!"

mountains out of molehills

i've been dealing with a lot of that lately (as has wendy). but this -THIS- is the grandaddy of them all. judas priest.















(i know you don't understand this. but it makes me feel better just for posting it. wendy, if you're reading this...ARGH!!!!)

thursday thirteen

it's been a while, i know. but here's my thursday thirteen:

Thirteen Things on My To Do List 1. finish the gift wrap planning book 2. make a schedule for my mother-in-law (the kids are staying at her house friday night) 3. pack overnight bags for the kids for friday night 4. start packing myself and the kids for our weeklong trip to the beach that we leave for on sunday 5. wrap christmas gifts for my niece and nephew who we will see at the beach 6. reschedule the photo shoot that was scheduled for this afternoon but can't happen because of the rain 7. figure out how to get all of the charity gift wrap supplies to the correct people before i leave for the beach on sunday 8.download client photos to a backup drive so i can take them with me to the beach and place holiday card photo orders for clients while i'm on vacation 9. judge photographs for a PTSA contest i volunteered for 10. meet with our new home's builder rep to finalize our electrical plan which was due two weeks ago 11. do laundry so i have clothes to pack for me and the kids 12. mail out gift wrap captain packets of info 13. hand out gift wrap flyers at the mall

ppppbbbhhhhhltttt

been a long week. i've got so much on my to do list and i don't think there are enough hours in the days i have left to get it all done. everyone is busy, i know. it's not just me. but i feel my back getting tight and my shoulders are aching and i know the stress has settled in nicely and is making no plans to leave.

the part that kills me is that the thing i'm most stressed out about is a volunteer position. the person in charge of the organization is working her ass off and is way more strung out then i am (sorry you-know-who!) and i can't believe that i'm letting a volunteer commitment get in the way of my business and time with my family. it's ridiculous and i'm mad at myself for not saying no when i knew it would be a stretch and for not being more on top of things. i hate not having a handle on my projects and i hate that my inability to juggle my responsibilities has an impact on someone else (who has way more responsibilities and commitments than i do).

it's been a sucky day. but tomorrow i get to wake up with my husband and my two healthy kids and i get to try to tackle another day.

sigh.

my little brother

my little brother (who is not so little - he's turning 31 in a few weeks) is a band director in ohio. he's great at his job and this article proves it. congrats, danny boy!

band article

oh fer cute

a photo of my niece and nephew on halloween

sleeping beauty and dash

decaf

i forgot to ask for decaf coffee this morning at starucks and my insides are racing around at 85mph. i hate this feeling.

overheard

(kate and jack have been upstairs playing for the past half hour. i hear them tromping around in the bathroom and then kate yelled downstairs)

kate: daddy!

jeff: what?

kate: i need you!

jeff: why?

kate: well, i'm helping jack on the potty and we can't figure out how to make his penis go down.

she meant, of course, that she couldn't make squish it between his legs to make it point down but jeff and i were hysterical, nonetheless.

framing

got an email from the builder's sales rep that says they will start framing our house at the end of this week/beginning of next week.

holy crap - we're actually going to have a house! :D :D :D

random thoughts

GO VOTE TODAY!!!!!!!!!

1. i talked to the insurance claims guys last night. he said my necklace and wedding band *are* covered under our homeowner's policy, but it turns out our deductible is only a few hundred less than the value of the two items so it doesn't make sense for us to file a claim for it.

2. i called the jewelry store in seattle where we bought my wedding band; turns out they still had a record of the purchase and are going to order the exact same ring for me. i was so excited! the ring isn't fancy or expensive, but i love it and am so happy that i'm getting the exact same ring again.

3. jeff is flushing all day today. "flushing" is a political term (apparently) that means he is going around to low voter turnout areas and knocking on doors and asking people to go vote. he's doing that from about 7:30am until 7:30pm tonight (!!!!). our good friend, ken ulman, is running for county executive and jeff agreed to help him out. it's supposed to rain later today >:-)

4.jack was up last night with a cold - coughing and hacking and wheezing - and neither jeff nor i got any sleep. that kid is sick more often than just about any kid i know (except for my niece, haley, who is sick a lot, too. maybe it's a goldscher family trait?)

5. VOTE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

loser

my entire life i have lost things. purses, keys, shoes, you name it. it's something of a joke in my family (at least to my parents). i'm not sure why i lose things; it's not like i don't value the items. i just get distracted (easily) and have a short attention span.

so, until now the things i have lost have been nothing more than an inconvenience (getting a new driver's license, a social security card, wallet, etc). but last weekend i lost a big thing. or three things, actually: my wedding band, a three-stone diamond ring (not my engagement ring) and a diamond pendant necklace.

yep.

all three.

jeff and i went away for the weekend last week and i left all three items on the nightstand next to the bed. i distinctly remember coming back from my massage (where the masseuse even commented on how pretty my three-stone ring was) and taking all the jewelry off to take a nap.

and then i left it there.

the good news/bad news is that the big ring had its own insurance policy so it's covered. the diamond pendant and the wedding band did not have their own insurance policies and because i lost them outside of our house, they are not covered on our homeowner's policy.

i'm distraught. my wedding band was not expensive but it was my.wedding.band. and the necklace? it was the first piece of real jewelry that i bought myself. it should have had it's own policy but for some reason we never got around to it.

i may never wear jewelry again for fear of losing it.
:(

in the new bathroom

i'm going to frame this photo and put it in the powder room in our new house. i'm going to put it directly across from the toilet - at eye level - so when our guests sit down to go to the bathroom, this will be staring back at them:

cousins

i went over to my sister-in-law's house today to take photos of kate and jack and their cousins, haley and paige. tessa had a great idea to take photos of the four of them for our grandmother's 90th birthday.

it was a lot of fun but boy is it tough to get four kids looking in the same direction at the same time. especially when two of them are 2-years-old and only want to eat the lollipops you promised them if they sat and smiled.

photos here

weekend retreat

jeff and i went away to lansdowne resort in virgina yesterday. his cousin and her best friend stayed at our house and watched the kids and jeff and i got a weekend to ourselves.

the resort was beautiful and blissfully child free. we each had massages yesterday afternoon and i also had a facial. my skin hasn't been this smooth since i was 8 years old. we went shopping at the outlet malls and then came back to our room and ordered room service. we got into our jammies, watched 'the break up' (which wasn't that good) and nibbled on room service appetizers as the wind howled outside and the rain came down sideways.

it was the perfect mini getaway. we've both been so busy lately that we haven't seen much of each other except in passing. we talk via email and instant message and have to schedule appointments on each other's calendars. it was so nice to just sit and snuggle and relax.

and now we're home. the instant i opened the door, i was hit by kate running full force into my arms, yelling 'mommy!'

and that was really nice, too.

(here's my room-service breakfast from this morning. my very favorite part of staying at a nice hotel is getting breakfast in bed. i think if i was a prisoner on death row that my last meal request would be room-service pancakes served to me in bed in my pajamas)

the spirit of jack

i was using jack as my model today as i practiced trying to get the correct exposure under different lighting conditions. just a few random snaps as he was eating his snack.

but when i downloaded them to my computer and saw this one, i knew it was a keeper. every once in a while you take a photo of your child that captures them in a way that speaks to you. it may not be the best photo from a technical standpoint (that black backsplash in the background drives me nuts) but it captures the spirit of the child.

this is that picture for me. this is jack.

footings

they've poured the footings for the new house:
house photos

jack's new haircut

kate had ballet this morning so i took jack to get a haircut. i've been trying to grow his hair longer thinking it would be easier to manage. he has very thick, wavy hair that grows really fast. i figured he'd have really cute surfer hair - kind of shaggy and messy on purpose. but instead his hair is a mess and while i realize that he's only 2 years old, i also don't want him looking like a slob.

so i took him to one of those walk in places where kid's haircuts are only $9. i was going to just get it trimmed but saw a photo of a kid on the wall (one of those really big photos that those places have of smiling models with haircuts you know some high priced salon in nyc cut). but i asked the girl to try to give him a haircut like the boy in the photo. i wasn't holding out much hope but figured a) it's hair and it grows and b) he's 2. he doesn't have to have cool hair yet.

well the girl suprised me because i love jack's hair. it's not a little boy bowl cut - it's a real boy haircut and now my little guy looks so much older. she even put gel in his hair to get it spike up like the photo. it's adorable if i do say so myself.
no bias, of course.

note to self

if you buy bags of halloween candy the week before halloween AND it happens to be the week before your period, you will have to buy more candy before the trick or treaters come knocking.

NAOCP

i posted about this new organization over on my photo blog. if you know of any organizations or families who could use this, please email me. it's completely free of charge.

more kids

are you sick of photos of my kids, yet? these are from yesterday, at the playground by the new house.

musings

i've been busy lately...busier than i have been in a very long time. not that staying home with two kids isn't crazy, but this is different. now i have deadlines and other people to answer to and client expectations to meet and it's taking some getting used to. for the past 2 years, i've been my own boss. my clients were an infant and a toddler and they had no idea if i didn't give them a bath or forgot to add carrots to their lunch. nap time was whenever i said it was and it could be a different time every day. i could do what i wanted and no one was the wiser.

but now it's different. i'm volunteering, building a house and my photography is really getting busy and all of a sudden i feel like i'm disappointing people. my mind is in 8 different places and no one is getting the benefit of my full attention. i have friends who run their own businesses, volunteer WAY more than i do and are on so many boards it makes me dizzy. and yet they still find time to take their kids to baseball games and help them with homework and play poker with friends. i don't know how they do it.

i wonder if it's possible to have a type A personality without the drive? you know, to be uptight and tense and want things perfect but not have the drive to make it happen?

i dunno. maybe i'm type W. you know, whatever.

progress

do you know what these are photos of? they're photos of work being done on our new house! finally! we signed the contract two and a half months ago and they started digging the foundation today.



































they tell us we'll still probably hit our original move-in date of march, barring any bad weather this winter. we'll see. at this point, i don't even care. they've STARTED. that's enough for me.

(and in case you're wondering, yes, the houses are close together. they're supposed to be that way; it's a traditional neighborhood development.)

overheard

tonight, as jeff called the kids downstairs for the dinner he had prepared:

jeff: kate! jack! come downstairs for dinner

(two pairs of little feet running down the stairs)

kate: what's for dinner, daddy?

jeff: salmon, rice and edamame

kate: AWWWWWWWWW! i don't WANT that. i want KID food!

throw your arms around me

i can't stop listening to this song this morning:

hunters and collectors cover of a neil finn song

i found it on one of my favorite blogs. this woman has great taste in music and i've come across a few of my new favorites bands through her.

can't stop listening. yum.

a thousand words

the pictures say it better than i can. here's what our weekend looked like:

girls night out blog

i've never seen so many photos of me with my mouth open that wide. we were *those* girls at the restuarant and bars. you know the loud, drunk, obnoxious people that everyone else in the place is looking at and feeling sorry for/annoyed by? yep. that was us.

but we had a blast. an absolute blast.

(the skinny guy with the beard who looks slightly jerry seinfeld'ish? that's my little brother. it was as good seeing him as it was hanging with the girls.)

last night

OUCH.

wendy and i are hurting this morning. seriously hurting. having that much fun should not hurt this bad.

surprise

i drove to ohio with a friend today (we're meeting other friends tomorrow). because we had tonight free, we decided to stop in to see my parents (who live in ohio). i called my dad to let him know we were coming by and that i wanted to surprise mom. we arranged to meet at the house at about the same time.

my friend and i pulled up to the house (dad wasn't there yet) and hopped out. i ran up to the door and rang the bell and my mom opened the door.

and then stood there and stared at me. without saying a word.

(if you know my mother, you know that has never happened before. her not talking, that is.)

she was stunned. and then she hugged me and we laughed and i explained why i was there.

it was wonderful.

thanks for dinner, mom! i got you!

kitty kat and jack jack

praise the lord and pass the beans

got an email today that our house permits are good to go and we can schedule our pre-construction meeting.

whoo hoo!

our house is really going to start being built. and all it took was me getting fed up and calling the permit department myself :)

divinely inspired

last night i broke down and ordered a pizza. i'm not supposed to be eating pizza on my low-glycemic eating plan, but i was craving it and jeff wasn't home and there was no one to stop me.

turns out, i was meant to order that pizza. apparently Christ himself managed my pizza experience. and hey, who am i to argue with Christ?


(click the image to see it larger)

i needed a laugh

jeff and i hit a wall today with the new house - it's been two months since we signed the contract and they still haven't officially broken ground (they've dug some more dirt for the foundation, but that's it). the official word from the builder is that we're waiting for the county to issue the permits. it doesn't take two months to get permits for a house in a development that's already been approved. we're the last single family house in our part of the neighborhood and it's getting disheartening to see all the other houses completed and people moving in.

so today i was mad and frustrated and pissed at no one and everyone. so i decided to take photos of the kids which is what i do to let off steam.

i got this one of jack in his pajamas playing with his new winter hat. it made me laugh which i needed to put things into perspective.

what do you do with a cup?

kate had her 4 year check up at the dr. today. she had to read the eye chart and pee in a cup and have her ears examined. after all that, i had to fill out some paperwork that measures where your child is developmentally. the questionaire asks the kids to draw circles, to identify colors and animals and also has the parent ask the child questions. here's how our question and answer session went down:

me: kate, what do you do with a pencil?

kate: draw with it!

me: what do you do with a banana?

kate: eat it!

me: what do you do with a cup?

kate: pee in it!

random thoughts

* talked to a pregnant friend last night who is due in two weeks. she was asking me about going into labor and if she'd know it (she had read my post on kate's birthday about how i didn't know, with either of my kids, that i was in labor). she was nervous and excited and ready but not ready and it reminded me that just 4 years ago i was in the same position: pregnant with my first baby and not knowing what to expect. i remembered what it was like to be on the other side of the fence - of not having any kids yet but being so close. and i was excited for her, knowing what awaited her on the other side once she has her baby. knowing that she was going to cross over into a completely different world that she has no idea exists right now. i can't wait to welcome her to the other side. it's a great place to be.

* the non-profit i'm involved with collected donations of toiletries last night for a local women's shelter and i offered to drop the items off. the kids are home today and i'm debating dropping the items off today and taking them with me or waiting until they are in school tomorrow to do it. my problem is i'm not sure how to explain to kate what the shelter is. i want my kids to know that not everyone lives the same life they and their friends do, but is 4 years old too young? i'm worried that we'll get to the shelter and kate will ask me a question (in front of someone, i'm sure) that i won't know how to answer without a) being too complicated for her to understand or b) simplifying it so much that it comes across as patronizing. i should just take them with me and deal with it as it comes up, right? why do i worry about these things? how do explain homeless women and children to a 4 year old?

* i went to a dinner last night and decided it was a 'special occasion' so i had some bread AND a large piece of chocolate cake (neither of which i'm supposed to eat on my low-glycemic eating plan). my stomach was up in arms last night and i STILL feel sick this morning. ugh.

* i love fall. it's my favorite season of the year.

today

it's a gorgeous day outside: no humidity, light breeze and leaves that are just turning yellow and starting to litter the lawns. the windows are open and the shades are slapping back and forth against the sills and best of all, the kids are down for naps. i'm having a brief taste of peace right now.

it's a beautiful day.

birthday photos

i posted photos from kate's birthday dinner on my other site.

(AND: i ran into a friend this morning at the coffee shop and she asked me if i'd lost weight. it's working! it's working!) :)

just thinking

i was in the coffee shop this morning with the kids (i love the coffee shop by our new house. they have a small play area for kids so i can actually drink coffee and read without having to entertain the kids).

anyway. this morning. the newspaper. i was skimming an article about wealth and poverty in our country and how so many people can't afford health care. i really don't remember what the article was really about, but it got me thinking anyway: why aren't there 'adopt a family' programs? i mean, you can adopt a child in a third world nation and provide money for their health care and schooling, but we don't have things like that in our own country.

this is particularly meaningful to me right now because we're building a new house. i picked out my new kitchen yesterday and was super excited all day about it. i love my new kitchen (and i don't even cook!). but since the day we put our deposit down on the house, jeff and i have struggled with what it means to buy this house. how can we buy this house when so many other people have so little? we vacillate between that and thinking that we've worked hard and we deserve to enjoy our success.

i volunteer for a non-profit and i'm proud of what i do, but it doesn't feel like enough. i want something more personal...more hands on...more tangible. the newspaper article got me thinking that i'd like to be able to adopt a family - to help them buy their medications and groceries and clothes for their kids. to help with the electrical bill or an unexpected hospital bill or car repair. jeff and i are lucky enough to be in a position to help and yet i feel like i don't know how. i know there's an answer somewhere, i just don't know what it is. i'd love to have some sort of online system that could match families. you could adopt a family and see their 'wish list' (sort of like amazon) but instead of books and CDs, it would be their day-to-day necessities. i don't know how to do it. but it's a thought.

i'm going to keep thinking about it.

happy birthday, kitty kat

today is kate's 4th birthday. four years ago, right now, i was at my midwife's office hooked up to a fetal monitor. i'd gone in for an ultrasound because kate was measuring small (we realized later that she had stopped growing). after the ultrasound, i happened to mention to the doctor that i'd been having frequent braxton hicks contractions all day. she noted that i was only 36.5 weeks along and agreed that it was probably nothing, but just in case, she hooked me up to the fetal monitor.

turns out i was in labor. 4 cm dialated and 75% effaced. didn't even know it. you know how they always say when you're in labor you'll know it? not true. i didn't know either time with my kids.

so four years ago today, i was hooked up to the fetal monitor. jeff watched the contractions on the paper and said several times that it looked like i was in labor. i told him he was wrong. he was right.

i went to my in-laws house around 3pm (they live right around the corner from the hospital and we lived 30 minutes away) to wait out some more contractions. around 6pm they started getting heavy so i headed to the hospital. got hooked up with my epidural and at 11:52pm, anna kate goldscher came screaming her head off into the world. all 4 pounds, 14 ounces and 17 inches of her.

and now she's 4. and i'm finding 4 to be a difficult age (i'll take a 2-year-old any day). but she's still my kitty kat. and i love her. and i can't believe she's 4.

haiku

red and yellow leaves
the trees are turning colors
fall is almost here

thursday thirteen

Thirteen Things I Bought at the Mall Today 1. a really cool pair of puma sneakers 2. a pair of jeans for kate 3. a size 4T fleece jacket that doesn't fit either of the kids right now, but was so cheap i bought it to put away for next winter 4. two hair clips 5. a hair band 6. a cheap, fake pearl necklace to wear for fun 7. a black jersey wrap dress that i want to wear every day because it feels like wearing sweats but looks dressed up 8, 9, 10. two chicken nugget happy meals and a grilled chicken salad at chik-fil-a 11. a decaf, fat free, sugar free vanilla latte 12. a sweatshirt for kate 13. a long green scoop neck tshirt that covers my muffin top Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. finding blanche 2. tessa's blog

'twas the night before...

the kids start school tomorrow. i've been dreaming of this day for the past 4 years. i've held onto it during the 2am feedings, the nights of nebulizer treatments, the ear infections, the temper tantrums, the willful disobedience and the long car trips.

and now it's almost here. it feels like christmas eve - the anticipation of tomorrow is going to make it hard to sleep tonight.

the only kicker is that the first week back to school is a warm up: they only go for an hour tomorrow, an hour on wednesday and and two hours on friday. NEXT week they go to school for real. but even that can't dampen my joy.

tomorrow morning i will get my kids dressed, put their backpacks on and drive them to school. i have stay there for that hour so it's not freedom yet, but it's the start. it's close. i can taste it.

sleep study

i have to go in for a sleep study tonight. a few weeks ago when i went to see my doctor about my high cholesterol, she asked me some general health questions. somewhere in the conversation she hit upon the fact that i'm always tired and as she started asking me more questions (and i kept answering yes, yes, yes), she told me she wanted me to go in for a sleep study. she thinks i might have PLMS - period leg movement syndrome. you know, one of those fake diseases that drug companies invent so that they can sell medicine to cure it? yep, that.

so i have to head into baltimore tonight at 9pm (NINE pm?? i'm usually in bed by 8:30). i get to sleep in a 'hotel-like suite' with monitors taped to my head and body and legs and then i get to leave by 6am tomorrow morning. the worst part is that i can't take a nap today. i'm so tired and all i want to do is lie down on the couch while the kids are napping but i can't.

i haven't been nervous since i scheduled it two weeks ago but today, as the time gets closer to actually having to do it, i'm getting butterflies in my stomach. i know they're not going to find anything wrong with me...i've always been a sleeper and have always been tired. my whole life. it's just the way i'm wired.

sigh.

sweet!

i met some of the women who are going to be my new neighbors! i had to drop off a check today at the builder's office and decided since it was a nice afternoon, i'd take the kids to the playground. we've been to the playground before, but usually in the morning and we've always been the only ones there.

but today.

oh, today.

i drove up to the playground and there were 5 or 6 moms with tons of little kids running around. i was a) glad to see so many little kids and b) nervous about being the new mom on the block and figured no one would talk to me.

enter marty.

she came right up to me and introduced herself and asked if i lived in the neighborhood. i told her we were building our house and were moving in the spring. she laughed and said she did the same thing when she was building her house - she'd come to the playground with her kids hoping to meet other moms.

so she introduced me to the other moms and it turns out that one of them will live on on our street (she moves in next month) and will live two houses away from us AND her son goes to the same preschool as kate and jack (carpoool!). marty was so, so nice. her son is a month younger than kate and she actually had on a tshirt that i have - it says 'i'm too sexy for my minivan.' how could i not like her?? plus, she loves all the same junky reality tv shows i love :)

so it was wonderful. met some moms, kate and jack met some other little kids and i am more excited than before (if that's possible) to move into the new neighborhood. my in-laws moved into their neighborhood 30 years ago when it was first built and some of their best friends to this day are friends they met when the all moved into the neighborhood. everyone was new, so everyone went out of their way to meet each other.

i think that's what maple lawn is going to be like.
i hope!

thursday thirteen

Thirteen Things I Wish I could Eat Today 1. eggs 2. bread 3. milk 4. pepperidge farm milano cookies 5. cheese 6. ketchup 7. mayonnaise 8. pizza 9. onion rings 10. a milkshake 11. ben and jerry's mint chocolate cookie ice cream 12. sushi 13. crystal light fruit punch Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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welcome, dan

my little brother started a blog this week. it's amusing because he's a techno-phobe. doesn't like computers, or techy gadgets and doesn't care that apple is coming out with downloadable movies next week. my older brother, my dad and i are all computer/tech geeks in one form or another. i guess dan figured when my mom (a former techno-phobe who has, in the past few years, come around quite nicely) knew more about computers and internet emoticons than he did that it was time for him to jump in.

so now i have a blog, my older brother has a blog and my little brother has a blog. it's nice because we live in three different states (MD, NC and OH) and don't get to see each other that often. it's a cool way to keep up on the ordinary details of each other's lives...the stuff that doesn't make it into phone calls. i like knowing what my niece and nephew did over labor day weekend and being able to see dan's new-to-him truck.

now if i could just get my mom to start a blog...

funny shirt

saw my friend, wendy, at the gym yesterday morning.

she had on a tank top that read 'schvitz'.

it made me laugh. got to find me one of those.

detox sucks

this week, week one of the 'dare to lose' plan, is called detox.

i hate it.

i had to go to the grocery store last night to pick up baby wipes. it's never a good idea to go the grocery store when you're hungry, never mind when you're forced to eat only vegetables for a week. i walked slowly down the ice cream aisle looking longingly at my old friends, ben and jerry. i made my way over to the deli to fondle my favorite cheeses (hello muenster! looking good, provolone).

sigh.

the woman who runs the program said that after day three, it won't be as hard. day three is tomorrow. she'd better be right. i'm ready to gnaw my arm off.

dare to lose

i signed up for this weight loss program at the gym called 'dare to lose'. it's about learning to make better choices in food and exercise. i figured since my doctor told me to lose 20 lbs that i'd give it a shot. it starts on tuesday and i just got the shopping list for the first week from the instructor. apparently the first week is a 'detox' week; the good news is that there is a list of foods that i can eat the first week - and i can eat as much of them as i want. the bad news is these are the foods:

alfalfa, artichokes, argula, asparagus, bean sprouts, beets, bell pepper, bok choy, broccoli, brussel sprouts, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, celebery, collard greens, cucumber, eggplant, green beans, hot peppers, jimcama, kale, leeks, lettuce, okra, olives, onions, parsley, radishes, sauerkraut, snow peas, spinach, tomato juice, tomato paste (only 2 tbps!), tomato sauce, water chestnuts, watercress, yellow squash and zucchini.

seriously? i'm supposed to eat that for a week? there is another list of fruits i'm allowed to have (but only 3 servings per day) and also a list of sample menus. want to read one of them?

pre-breakfast
lemon juice in warm water

breakfast
canteloupe
herbal tea

snack
banana
detox or herbal tea

lunch
vegetable juice
veggie burger
cucumber salad
carrot sticks
apple
detox or herbal tea

snack
green beans
detox or herbal tea

dinner
vegetable soup
mixed greens salad with mushrooms, asparagus, tomato and beets
strawberry and blueberry medley
herbal tea

snack
fresh cucumber, red and yellow peppers
detox or herbal tea

i have way too many comments to post them all here, but let me just say: pre-breakfast? riiiiiight. green beens are not a snack unless they are accompanied by a bowl of ice cream. strawberry and blueberry medley? if there isn't any whipped cream then it's just some fruit in a bowl.

what have i gotten myself into?
if you know me and see me around town the next week and a half, you probably don't want to talk to me because i think i'm going to be super cranky.